Floaties Don't Pay Rent

[Intro] (Sound of a deflating plastic tube: Pssssst... followed by a heavy digital bass drop) Look at you. Sitting on an inner tube. Drifting at two miles an hour. Zero productivity. Zero cash flow. Hyper-Link. Time to liquidate the lifestyle. Get a job. [Verse 1] You’re floating down the river like the world is on pause But you can’t pay your overhead with nature’s applause You got a neon tube, you got some cheap sunglasses While I’m tracking your demographics, taxing the masses A five-hour float? That’s five hours of waste I’m running this market at a hyper-speed pace Your cooler is leaking, your flip-flops are torn While a brand new economic empire is born You think you’re relaxed, I think you’re a liability I’m converting this riverfront to maximum utility! [Chorus] Floaties don't pay rent! Cut the vacation! Turn this lazy river to a billing station! Floaties don't pay rent! Get off the stream! Waking you up from your Hill Country dream! No more drifting, no more slack Hyper-Link is here to take the capital back! [Verse 2] You’re holding up the current with your multi-tube chains Tied together with ropes while I’m building the drains I look at the water, I see square footage lost Every second you’re splashing has an opportunity cost I’m putting up fences, I’m zoning the shore The free public access doesn’t live here no more Comal is sleeping on a mesh-bottom raft While I’m drafting up a corporate foreclosure contract You’re spending ten dollars on a sack full of ice While I’m buying out your town and tripling the price! [Chorus] Floaties don't pay rent! Cut the vacation! Turn this lazy river to a billing station! Floaties don't pay rent! Get off the stream! Waking you up from your Hill Country dream! No more drifting, no more slack Hyper-Link is here to take the capital back! [Instrumental Break] (A 30-second harsh, minimalist tech-house breakdown mimicking a factory assembly line, with rigid electronic drums and heavy 808 sub-bass to stretch the song duration) [Verse 3] I put a barcode on your wrist, a tracker on your ankle Your local river culture is about to get strangled No time to be lazy, no time to look around I’m putting up a luxury commercialized compound The tourists are paying, the locals are broke Your laid-back tradition is a corporate joke If you ain’t generating revenue, clear out the lane I’m pumping out the water, leaving nothing but gain You can cry to the river, you can cry to the sun But Hyper-Link's fiscal year has already begun! [Bridge] (Music shifts to a fast, ticking tech-noir synth. Aggressive whisper) Time is money. Water is currency. Your lease on the river has expired. Eviction notice. (Beat builds up aggressively with machine-gun hi-hats) Pop that tube! Pay that rent! [Chorus] Floaties don't pay rent! Cut the vacation! Turn this lazy river to a billing station! Floaties don't pay rent! Get off the stream! Waking you up from your Hill Country dream! No more drifting, no more slack Hyper-Link is here to take the capital back! [Outro] (Sound of a loud plastic pop, splashing water, and a high-pitched digital dial tone) Account balance: Zero. Your float has officially been foreclosed, Comal. Pack up your cooler. Hyper-Link out. (Cold mechanical power-down sound) [END], [END], [END]...