[INTRO — cheerful, almost educational] Singing the complaints of the opposite sex has some wonderful effects. [band stops] OH YEAH! [CHORUS — everything explodes] It’s a bunch of fun, revved the fuck up. Is it time to fight or time to run? Sing it real sweet, see what you’ve done— Is it time to FIGHT? Or time to RUN? [VERSE 1] Well, it either calms ’em down, and who knows— maybe gets a laugh. You take that little argument, put a melody on that, give it a little rhythm, maybe jazz it up a tad— [male singsong voice] “Why are your SOCKS on the FLOOR again?” [normal voice] See? Comedy. Probably. [CHORUS] It’s a bunch of fun, revved the fuck up. Is it time to fight or time to run? Sing it real sweet, see what you’ve done— Is it time to FIGHT? Or time to RUN? [VERSE 2 — falsely confident] Maybe she’ll smile. Maybe she’ll laugh. Maybe she’ll appreciate your musical craft. Maybe this becomes a beautiful night— [music stops] OR... it revs her up, right? [BUILD] Funny because it’s almost always the second one. You started with a joke, now look what you’ve done. Wrong road. Red light. Sirens in the night. Rage hits RED ALERT— and now the kitchen’s DEFCON FIVE. With all of Hell’s fiery wrath— you’re halfway through the chorus when she starts fighting back. [BREAKDOWN — male falsetto/singsong complaints] “Did you take the trash out?” “No, not NEXT Tuesday.” “I asked you three times.” “WHY IS THIS STILL HERE?” “Who left the cabinet open?” “Were you raised in a BARN?” “You said you were listening—” [spoken] I was. [singsong] “THEN WHAT DID I JUST SAY?” [spoken] ...shit. [FINAL CHORUS — faster] OH YEAH! It’s a bunch of fun, revved the fuck up. Is it time to fight or time to run? Sing it real sweet, see what you’ve done— Is it time to FIGHT? Is it time to RUN? [OUTRO — increasingly cheerful male singsong over chaos] “Your shoes are in the hallway!” “The hamper’s RIGHT THERE!” “Who used my good towel?” “Why is there beard hair EVERYWHERE?” “You bought another TOOL?” “We already HAVE one of those!” “Don’t you dare say ‘calm down.’” “PUT DOWN YOUR FUCKING PHONE.” [brief silence] [innocent male voice] ...you want me to stop singing? [singsong] “YESSSSSSS.” [band crashes back in] OH YEAH!
