Verse 1: Darling, strap in for the glow-up from hell, They poke your arm, suck out blood like a spell. Spin it in tubes, call it “plasma so pure,” Then stab your face till you’re red and unsure. Kim swears it’s magic, but honey, let’s face it, You’re paying a fortune to look like you’ve chased it— A vampire’s dinner, all blotchy and sore, Beauty is pain? Nah, this is folklore! Chorus: Vampire facial, suck my wallet dry, Needles and blood under fluorescent lights. Eternal youth? More like eternal regret, Woke up a monster, but hey, no sweat! Slather that serum, pretend it’s divine, But deep down you know, it’s just glorified grime. Vampire facial, what a bloody scam, I’d rather age gracefully, thank you ma’am! Verse 2: Influencers flock like bats to the night, Posting their “before” with a filter so tight. “Hashtag blessed, feeling reborn anew,” While hiding the bruises in shades black and blue. Doc says it’s science, platelets unite! But I’m over here thinking, is this worth the bite? One wrong poke and you’re leaking like wine, Beauty routine or a Frankenstein crime? Bridge: (Slow build, with echoing laughs) Oh, the horror, the hype, the Hollywood lie, Chasing that fountain, but why even try? Wrinkles are stories, scars tell the tale, But nope, let’s get gory and utterly fail. Mirror, mirror, on the wall so cracked, Who’s the fairest? The one who fought back! Chorus (Outro, fade with dramatic sighs): Vampire facial, suck my wallet dry, Needles and blood, wave your youth goodbye. Eternal youth? It’s a fang-tastic jest, Stick to sunscreen, forget the rest! Vampire facial, what a bloody sham, I’ll keep my plasma where it belongs—damn!
