**[Intro – spoken over awkward recorder and sub-bass]** Ladies and gentlemen... Gather round. This is the tale of Ana. A woman who attempted to move countries While operating on approximately three hours of sleep And seventy-two hours of panic. --- **[Verse 1 – spoken word / rap-rock cadence]** Ana had a boyfriend Well... Technically she did Then she spent a weekend with him And suddenly she didn't The cat attacked her face The family attacked her sanity The future attacked her blood pressure And the ADHD attacked literally everything else She made seventeen spreadsheets Twenty-three checklists Four emergency backup checklists Then lost the checklist That explained where the other checklists were --- **[Call & Response Chorus]** **ANA!** What are you packin'? **I DON'T KNOW!** **ANA!** Where's your passport? **I HAD IT FIVE MINUTES AGO!** **ANA!** Have you slept this week? **NEXT QUESTION!** **ANA!** Are you coping? **ABSOLUTELY NOT!** --- **[Verse 2 – half sung, theatrical]** Then came the Concerta Incident™ A chapter historians still debate One minute she was social Friendly Ready to party The next she was staring at the ceiling Convinced her own heartbeat Was preparing a hostile takeover Of the Portuguese economy --- **[Pre-Chorus]** She cried She panicked She spiralled She froze She googled symptoms Which somehow made everything worse --- **[Chorus – gang vocals]** Oh Ana Queen of the What-Ifs Patron saint of catastrophic hypotheticals She'll pack three chargers Forget the socks Prepare for meteor strikes And lose the house keys --- **[Verse 3 – spoken, Yorkshire accent]** Meanwhile A Belgian bloke called John Was sat there like an exhausted air traffic controller "Please eat." "Please sleep." "Please stop inventing seventeen disasters." "Please pack the luggage." "No, the plane probably won't explode." "No, your passport hasn't spontaneously evaporated." "No, Belgium isn't a secret government trap." --- **[Bridge – darkly comic]** "John... What if I lose my luggage?" Then we'll sort it. "What if I forget my meds?" Then we'll sort it. "What if Belgium rejects me?" That's not how Belgium works. "What if I accidentally become homeless?" YOU HAVEN'T EVEN LEFT YET! --- **[Instrumental Break – fiddle, recorder, glitch stutters]** Hey! Ho! Nobody knows what's going on! Hey! Ho! Everybody's improvising! --- **[Verse 4 – theatrical rock-opera build]** Then came the spare room controversy Too dusty! Apparently So Ana suggested sleeping on a mattress Next to John's bed Which caused John to experience A software error And several minutes of visible confusion --- **[Pre-Chorus]** "Why not the spare room?" "Too dusty." "Why not upstairs?" "Maybe." "Why not downstairs?" "Possibly." "Why not Portugal?" "..." "Fair enough." --- **[Final Chorus – huge gang vocals]** Oh Ana Heroine of chaos Running from ghosts With a backpack and a boarding pass Oh Ana Professional overthinker Amateur disaster Accidental philosopher And somehow still standing --- **[Outro – spoken softly]** So now she's flying north. One suitcase. One carry-on. One nervous Belgian. Several thousand unresolved thoughts. And enough emotional baggage To exceed airline weight restrictions. But maybe... Just maybe... The joke's finally on the darkness. Because for the first time in a long time... Ana is going somewhere. And that's got to count for something. *[Recorder flute plays one tragically optimistic note.]* *[Silence.]* *[Someone loses the passport again.]*
0/500