I don’t get paid for this

[Verse 1] I sell TVs Phones Game consoles Computers I do not get paid enough to hear why your sister's boyfriend stole your lawnmower and joined a biker church You came in asking for a fifty inch screen now I know your ex got worms and twain it's thirteen Your car won't start Your back got weak Your ex ran off with a guy named Steve You need a charger cool Case Fine A headset bet stand right in line But why the fuck did this turn so fast into a Ted talk on your busted pass You leaned in close like we were boys Set my neighbor's mama's cancer in the middle of the noise And followed that with ten years ago I got robbed They took my dog too brother what the fuck do you want me to do about that [Chorus] Want me to scan this grieving baggage too Price check your trauma in aisle two I can reboot phones, connect bluetooth But I cannot unfuck your life, my dude I don't get paid for this shit [Verse 2] I sell tread Not your devout Not your deadbeat ex Not your cousin's drugs Not your stress You came for a cable Not a breakdown Phone upgraded Not a shakedown Buy your shit And keep it moving I am not your fucking human Lady wants a printer starts crying at the stand Says her third husband's disappeared with her pan Then asks if this laptop's good for school ma'am I'm still stuck on the part where your spouse got replaced by your tool One dude at the Xbox wall starts whispering low Says his cousin got stabbed at a carnival show Then asks if the console comes with extra storage sir I'm trying real hard not to walk into the stock room and scream in the forehead Another guy says I ain't slept in a week Then tells me in detail about his fucked up teeth And points at a smart TV bright as hell and asks if the colors look natural as well [Chorus] No, man Nothing about this is natural You're telling me your parole story next to a tablet display I am not equipped for this shit in anyway [Bridge] What do you think I am Not a therapist What's on my badge Not licensed I can sell a warranty plan But I can't fix generations of bad shit damage [Chorus] I don't get paid for this shit I sell tread Not your reckoning uncle Not your pay drama Not your whole war Not your baby mama You came for a born Not your baby mama You came for a phone case Not a safe space Not a stage space A screen protector Not a long face I can help you check out and get the fuck on [Outro] I'm sorry your brother married a woman who thinks crystals control the weather I'm sorry your nephew got bit by an iguana at a gender reveal I'm sorry your ex took the air fryer, the kids, and the will to live But unless any of them need a fucking HDMI splitter I do not know why this conversation is happening Not my fucking problem Not my fucking problem Buy your shit and go I can help you find a deal I can tell you what is real I can set you up a plan But I don't want to be your man Not your doc Not your shrink Not your pride Stop unloading all your shit I'm the guy in the capper hat I don't get paid for this shit This is retail hell You need a TV not a place to tell me why you're lied to you yelled Me why your life went off the rails Why your boat flipped Why your marriage failed I hope you heal I mean that too But none of this has shit to do with the phone The game The screen The sell Now type your card and fucking bail