[Verse 1] You knew I hated sleeping angry So you'd wait until 2 a.m. Say something cruel, then pull me closer Like you could take it back again I got good at reading your face Good at knowing when to disappear I'd swallow everything I wanted Just to keep the peace in here And I don't know when it happened But I started checking every word Before it left my mouth Like loving you was something I could get wrong [Pre-Chorus] I kept thinking you'd wake up And finally see what you had done But every time you said, "I'm sorry" I heard, "Here we go again" [Chorus] I should've left the first time You made me feel hard to love The first time I cried beside you And you didn't even look up I should've left when I started Missing the girl I used to be God, I loved you so badly I forgot you were hurting me And that's the part I can't forgive Not you... Me, for staying this long [Verse 2] There are things I never told you 'Cause I knew you'd call them lies Like how I'd sit inside the bathroom Just to have somewhere to cry Then I'd wash my face in cold water Practice looking normal again Walk back into that bedroom And pretend we were okay You'd put your hand around my waist I'd hold my breath and close my eyes Trying to remember the person I fell for the first time But she wasn't there anymore [Pre-Chorus] I don't think you ever noticed How quiet I became I stopped asking you to love me I just begged you not to change [Chorus] I should've left the first time You made me feel hard to love The first time I cried beside you And you didn't even look up I should've left when I started Missing the girl I used to be God, I loved you so badly I forgot you were hurting me And that's the part I can't forgive Not you... Me, for staying this long [Bridge] Don't tell me you didn't mean it I know you didn't mean it every time But pain doesn't need permission To become a part of someone's life And I don't need you to hate yourself I don't need you on your knees I just need one night Where I can sleep Without wondering What I did wrong So if you ever really loved me Let this be the last thing you do Don't come looking for me [Final Chorus] I should've left the first time But I'm leaving now instead I'm done confusing your apologies With the love I never got You can keep the photographs You can keep the promises too I don't want revenge I don't want closure I just don't want you And maybe someday I'll forgive you Maybe someday I'll forgive me For thinking love was supposed to hurt Just because you said you loved me [Outro almost whispered] I loved you. I really did. But I love myself enough To stop waiting for you To become someone You were never going to be.
