[Intro — classroom ambience, bell rings] Good morning, class— Sit down. Phones away. Yes, that means yours. No, you cannot go to the bathroom. We started twelve seconds ago. [Verse 1] I wrote it on the whiteboard, I posted it online, I said it twice on Monday, And emailed it at nine. I printed out instructions, Highlighted every bit— Then somebody raised their hand and said, “So… what are we doing?” …Holy shit. [Pre-Chorus] Where’s your pencil? Where’s your book? Why is there a Cheeto In the electrical outlet? Who threw that? Don’t say “nobody”— NOBODY has incredible aim. [Chorus] IT’S IN THE SYLLABUS! Read the goddamn page! The due date and instructions Have not fucking changed! IT’S IN THE SYLLABUS! I swear it’s written down! If one more person asks me— I’m gonna turn this classroom around! [Verse 2] My coffee went cold at seven, My lunch disappeared at ten, The copier started smoking, So I kicked the tray again. Brayden hasn’t done an assignment Since sometime in February, But Mom just sent an email asking, “Why does Brayden have a D?” Well— Brayden. Doesn’t. Do. SHIT. [Pre-Chorus] No, you can’t charge your phone. No, we’re not watching YouTube. Why are you under the desk? …Why are TWO of you under the desk? GET OUT FROM UNDER THE DESK! [Chorus] IT’S IN THE SYLLABUS! It’s right there in your hand! I used complete sentences— I even made a fucking plan! IT’S IN THE SYLLABUS! The answer’s on page three! And if you ask what page it’s on— YOU’RE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME! [Breakdown — halftime, increasingly chaotic] Teacher? Yes? What are we doing? Read the board. Where? THE GIANT FUCKING BOARD. What page? Page three. What page? Three. What page? THREE! Is this graded? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! [Instrumental Meltdown] [Bridge — suddenly heartfelt] But tomorrow morning, I’ll unlock that door again, Put the lesson on the whiteboard, And welcome all of them in. Because somewhere in that chaos, Something finally clicks— A kid who said, “I’ll never get this,” Looks up and says— “Oh shit… I GET IT.” [Pause] …Language. [Final Chorus — huge, triumphant] IT’S IN THE SYLLABUS! Through every laugh and fight, Through busted pens and fire drills And grading late at night! IT’S IN THE SYLLABUS! But somehow we survive— Teaching tiny lunatics And helping minds come alive! So raise that cold-ass coffee! Teachers, lift it high! Happy World Teachers’ Day— YOU BEAUTIFUL, UNDERPAID, OVERWORKED BASTARDS! [Outro — school bell] Teacher? …What? Do we have homework? [long silence] It’s. In. The. Fucking. SYLLABUS. [door slam]
