[Intro] Ugh… this can’t be right. Where’s the actual dock? [Verse 1] I died mid-scroll in my Lululemon set, so unfair No final selfie, no dramatic caption, straight to this nightmare Old dude with a wooden boat, no lights, no surge fee This whole vibe is giving ancient Greece — zero aesthetic for me [Pre-Chorus] No coin in my purse, but my phone’s fully charged Apple Pay, Venmo, crypto — come on, let’s make it large I got influence, engagement, I can send the link 12k followers, honey — that’s currency, don’t you think? [Chorus 1] Charon, Charon, take me back, I’m not impressed This rusty boat is giving major budget stress Is there AC in Hell? Wi-Fi for the damned? Vegan snacks? Skin routine? Or am I getting scammed? Charon, Charon, this ferry is a whole damn joke Zero stars, bad service, I’m going for broke! [Verse 2] Is the river certified? Any safety rating? …Next. Does Hades have a gym? I need my daily training No. Are the tortured souls gluten-free? Trauma-informed? Are you serious right now? Can I film a quick reel? Hashtag DyingInStyle? I’ve carried kings… never this. [Chorus 2] Charon, Charon, take me back, I’m not impressed... [Bridge] I’ve rowed this river for three thousand years… Carried broken kings, weeping mothers, dying lovers I’ve heard every last regret, every final prayer I’ve seen the brave fall silent… the cruel beg for air And then there’s you… With your filters and your noise and your endless care You break something in me I didn’t know still worked. Get… off… my… boat. Excuse me?! Send me back upstairs right now! Hell’s not ready for my energy, my brand, my glow! [Final Chorus] Charon, Charon, take me back, I’m not impressed This rusty boat is giving major budget stress I got content to post, I got boundaries to set But damn… maybe your silence got me thinking yet [Outro] Yeah I’m leaving a review… “Ancient ferryman was toxic Zero out of ten, do not recommend, extremely demotivating” See you never, grandpa… or maybe in my next life Next time I’ll bring my own boat… and my own vibe. --- Lyrics © 2026 TrixTuneX All Rights Reserved. Visuals: Created with Grok · Music: Suno Exclusively available on Suno.
