You Taught Me To Disappear

[Verse 1] You said "Do you really need seconds?" Over birthday cake and paper plates Laughed like it was just a joke But watched what went onto mine Pulled at the hem of my T-shirt Said "That used to fit you fine" I smiled so my friends would smile Swallowed icing Swallowed pride [Chorus] You taught me to disappear To fold myself smaller each year Counting every bite Under your fluorescent eyes You called it love Called it care But I learned my body was a scare I was your before-and-after fear You taught me to disappear [Verse 2] Saturday at the fitting room You sat outside on that plastic chair "Try a size down Just for fun" Your voice slipped under the door I saw your face in the mirror More than I saw mine Pulled my stomach Held my breath Heard you sigh at the time [Chorus] You taught me to disappear To fold myself smaller each year Counting every bite Under your fluorescent eyes You called it love Called it care But I learned my body was a scare I was your before-and-after fear You taught me to disappear [Bridge] I was seven when I learned That hunger meant I’d done well I was twelve when I decided Shame would keep me safe as hell You said I’d thank you one day For every plate you pushed away But I’m standing in this body now And the thanks you want I can’t say (no way) [Chorus] You taught me to disappear To fold myself smaller each year But I’m done keeping score Of what you wish my shape was for You called it love Called it care I carried your voice everywhere Now I’m still here Loud and clear You don’t get to make me disappear