The Return of the King (North Polean Rhapsody)- A Krampus Story - Part 4

[Intro] [Krampus]I know you've been standing there watching me for at least 5 minutes now...anything on your mind, dear? [Naeth]Just in awe of your dedication! And as you know its been quite a long time since I've had the chance to stare at that horribly handsome face of yours. [Krampus]Flattery will get you everywhere, my love. [Naeth]What's all this then. [Krampus]This, my queen, is the "Naughty and Nice" List, the fat bastard wasn't anything if not thorough! Made a few adjustments, and I am just about done, we ride tonight! You ready! [Naeth]Please, I was born ready, finally out of that Gods damned kitchen...Asshole never would let me ride with him, cock suckin piece of.. [Krampus]Tsk tsk, such language, hehe, well your days of domestic servitude have come to an end...We've sussed out what all the little brats are getting for Christmas, what about you, love, what do you want...What's that smile...Oh, don't you dare... [Naeth]All I want for Christmas is yooooooouuuuuu! [Krampus]Jesus... [Naeth]It's him who got us into this mess in the first place. [Laughter] [Verse 1 - Krampus Prep] So much work, so little time The hunt begins, tonights the night Lists checked off, names all known The rod or the gift will soon be shown The goats are in sync, flying with glee The imps are ship shape all answering to me The gifts have been wrapped being loaded up now The bells are jingling, an ominous sound I've waited Millenia to take the reins His body rots as I set the stage My Kingdom returned, My thrown mine again The Holiday too, my fat dead friend! [Verse 2 - Naeth's Prep] First things first, lets have a little fun Take this sledge hammer and go on a kitchen run Smash the sink, kick over the chairs Pots and pans fly everywhere Rapid disassembly of the oven is a must So long cookies, so long pie crust! (bye bye!) Grab the sword off the mantle, mine again Swing it a few times, twirl and spin (Still got it!) Sheath the sword in the scabbard at my side, Now I'm ready for tonights wild ride Feed the goats, anything will do Inspect the sleigh make sure its solid for two Now onto my favorite part, Dress to impress— This is an art, Leather corset cinched just right, Thigh-high stockings, black as night, Stiletto heels that click with thrill, matching mini-skirt, dressed to kill! [Mid Song Break - Mall 'Santa'] [Male Bass Vocals]Hop up onto Santa's lap young one...[puffs cigar][sips beer] [Child]Are you supposed to be smoking and drinking on the job "Santa"? [Male Bass Vocals]You want a present or not?[sips beer] [Female soprano vocals]This is highly inappropriate! Who hired you? [Male Bass Vocals]Heh, there was a sudden...vacancy. I'm all you've got now! [Child]Do you have gifts or what?! My daddy is like you and he never has gifts! [Female soprano vocals]Jacob! [Male Bass Vocals]Hahaha, luckily, I'm not your daddy!...I like you kid, you've got balls! [Female soprano vocals]Sir, that is not the way to speak to a child! [Female alto vocals]Oh, shut up! Let Santa do his job lady! [Female soprano vocals]And you! Dressed like a trollop, there are children here! [Female alto vocals - teasing]And alot of dad's too! [Chuckles from the crowd] [Male Bass Vocals]Ahem, ladies! No need to quarrel, like I said... you've got balls kid...dishing out on your old man like that in front of everyone, hah! Here's one for you! [child]Oh shit, its a paintball gun! [Female soprano vocals]Jacob! [Male Bass Vocals]Here's a lil' somethin' for your dad too! And don't you dare go drinking it yourself, you little asshole! [Child]I won't! [Male Bass Vocals]Good boy! Next!... [Verse 3 - Imp Prep]] Toys Assembled, Weapons Raised The Kings Returned, Glorious Days Elves no more, returned to form To serve to fight is our norm Hail, Hail Hail, Hail Hail, Hail Hail, Hail Hands filled strength once more, We are perpared for war, Gone are cute pointy hats, Foe's will be squashed like rats! Rats, Rats! Rats, Rats! Rats, Rats! Rats, Rats! [Verse 4 - The Hunt] The wind screams past, the stars blur bright, A thousand years since my last flight! My hair flies wild, my heart beats fast, I'm finally free, I'm home at last! The reins feel right back in my claws, No more bowing to that bastard's laws! The goats remember every turn and dive, Gods it feels good to be alive! There! The first house! Who's inside? Little Timmy Thompson, snitch with pride! Told his teacher every little sin, Got three kids expelled with a shit-eating grin! Old Saint Nick would've left him toys, A reward for ratting on the other boys, But snitches get stitches where I come from, Grab the birch rod, dear, let's have some fun! Next up, greedy Sarah Jane, Stole her sister's gifts, caused endless pain! Hoarded sweets and toys under her bed, Time to chain her up, fill her with dread! [Male Bass Vocals - Growling, commanding] Whip the liars, bind the meek, No more mercy on these snowy streets! The list burns bright in the midnight glow, Pagan justice, let the wild winds blow! Lovers unbound, the hunt we lead, Naughty souls beg, but we pay no heed! Hooves and swords, through the storm we fly, Krampus Christmas—let the docile cry! Eternal ride, our kingdom's claim, Vengeance eternal, in flames we reign! [Outro] [Naeth]How diligent only a few days out and your back at it again. [Krampus]I take my duties seriously...look here...remember little Billy Walter, has been letting the class bully push him around for two years, we whipped him pretty good this year, one week into school and he already slapped the bully across the face, gave him a bloody nose as well...go Billy...and get this, the principle asked if he would do it again, the little bastard said, "Yeah, it felt good!", Ha...Next season lets let's get him something special. [Naeth]Paintball gun again, get that bully really on the back foot, haha... [Krampus]No, let's get him the PlayStation, he's earned it!