lonely is its own kind of painful

wake up alone sore teeth snot tinged with blood wonder if anyone who ever said they loved you still does or did or if you could trust them again either way is this really what someone wanted for me to be alone to be broken to be struggling to feel like such a nothing? not that I'm complaining not that I'm saying I don't want to live (I do want to live.) feels as if I can't complain no longer allowed somehow can't say anything or that's just another reason I'm a pain in the ass things went from personal preference to life and death really fucking quick I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone why would anyone be so vicious towards me just because they could how could anyone who ever knew me think I deserved this it must be in my head just afraid that's what they think but if it's true where are they then where are my friends? how did I seem to misplace them? and so many? starts to get easier to think maybe they never cared for me at all but that's insulting if they did and I miss them and wish they were still around does anyone wish I was still around? (you'll never get an answer if you only ask the air) is it really just time to go it alone or am I kidding myself look at my broken teeth my thinning hair swollen feet as if to say look at how unloved I am I'm falling apart why is it like this I will be gone and no one will notice there must be some mistake how could you not love me at all why is it like this how could I be so stuck on people who didn't even like me for anyone?