(Intro – Professor) Capitalism exploits the working class. Now, before we begin— Has everyone paid their tuition? (Guitar Slam) (Verse 1) Eighteen years old, fresh outta school, They tell you college is the golden rule. Don't know what you wanna be? That's why we've got a degree! Pick your passion, find yourself, Don't worry 'bout financial health. Sign right here, we'll handle the rest— Welcome aboard, you're now in debt! Professor walks in, six-figure chair, Preaching revolution from climate-controlled air. Tells you capitalism keeps you down— While your tuition pays his salary now. (Pre-Chorus) EAT THE RICH! That's what he said! Now pay your tuition Or we'll put a hold on your account instead! (Chorus) HIGHLY EDUCATED! PERMANENTLY BROKE! They sold you revolution And you're paying for the joke! HIGHLY EDUCATED! Diploma on the wall! Four years learning capitalism's evil— WOULD YOU LIKE THAT GRANDE OR TALL? (Verse 2) Gender theory, cultural critique, Another seminar three days a week. Deconstruct this, dismantle that, Write ten pages on the patriarchy's past. Professor says the system isn't fair, From a tenured position sitting right there. Tells you corporations only care about wealth— THEN CHARGES FIVE GRAND FOR THE CLASS ITSELF! (Pre-Chorus) Capitalism's greed! Capitalism's sin! Checks tuition deposits— LET THE SEMESTER BEGIN! (Chorus) HIGHLY EDUCATED! PERMANENTLY BROKE! They taught you how oppressive Every paycheck and promotion was! HIGHLY EDUCATED! They promised you'd stand tall! Now your master's hangs above you— WOULD YOU LIKE THAT GRANDE OR TALL? (Verse 3) Nobody asks the obvious thing Before the registrar hears that register ring: What does it pay? Who's hiring you? How many jobs actually require what you do? How many graduates found that field? What's the fucking return on yield? Don't ask that! Education's more Than getting some disgusting corporate job! Funny... THE UNIVERSITY STILL EXPECTS TO GET PAID. (Pre-Chorus) Your career's about fulfillment! THEIR CAREER'S ABOUT THE CHECK! Your money doesn't matter! NOW PAY YOUR FUCKING DEBT! (Verse 4) Meanwhile Mike skipped lecture halls, Got work boots and coveralls. Apprentice card, toolbox packed, Learned HVAC and never looked back. Electrician! Welder! Plumber! Trade! Every single hour learning— HE GOT PAID! They called him "not academic," Like that's some fucking disease. Now everybody from the faculty lounge Calls Mike when the building hits ninety degrees. (Pre-Chorus) No thesis! NO DEBT! No tenure! NO REGRET! While Doctor Revolution's AC dies— GUESS WHO JUST ARRIVED?! (Chorus) HIGHLY EDUCATED! Tell me who's the fool! The kid who learned to fix the world— Or the one who learned the world is cruel? HIGHLY EDUCATED! There's nothing wrong with school! But borrowing a fortune without a plan? THAT'S NOT SMART—THAT'S GETTING USED! (Bridge – Classroom Call and Response) Professor says— CAPITALISM IS EXPLOITATION! How much is tuition? NEXT QUESTION! CORPORATIONS ARE GREEDY! How big's the endowment? NEXT QUESTION! WORKERS DESERVE MORE! What do your adjuncts make? ... NEXT QUESTION! THE RICH MUST PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE! Cool. Can I have my tuition back? GET OUT OF MY CLASS! (Half-Time Breakdown) They told you— FOLLOW YOUR PASSION! We say— FOLLOW THE JOBS! They told you— GET ANY DEGREE! We say— LEARN A FUCKING SKILL! They told you— COLLEGE IS AN INVESTMENT! Then ask— WHAT'S THE RETURN?! They told you— DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY! Easy to say— WHEN IT ISN'T YOUR FUCKING MONEY! (Heavy Guitar Break) Doctor? GO! Engineer? GO! Nurse? GO! Need that degree for the career you've planned? FUCKING GO! But four years and six figures Because somebody said you "need college"? HAVE! A! PLAN! (Verse 5) This ain't saying books are bad, Or learning something makes you mad. Knowledge matters, education too— Just know exactly what you're buying into. College is a tool, not a promised land. Use the damn thing when it fits the plan. But don't let somebody selling the seat Convince you sitting in it guarantees you'll eat. Because graduation comes around, The university already got paid. Your professor starts another semester... And you're the one Who carries the debt away. (Final Chorus) HIGHLY EDUCATED! Now you understand! Education can be priceless— WHEN EDUCATION FITS THE PLAN! HIGHLY EDUCATED! Don't buy the salesman's line! You don't need four years of debt To prove you've got a fucking mind! Trade school! College! Business! Work! Choose the road where your investment works! Don't mortgage thirty years Because somebody making money off your tuition said— "EVERYBODY NEEDS COLLEGE!" BULL! SHIT! (Gang Vocals) LEARN A SKILL! MAKE A PLAN! LEARN A SKILL! MAKE A PLAN! NO DEGREE? NO FUCKING SHAME! GOT A DEGREE? MAKE IT FUCKING PAY! (Outro – Professor) Remember: Capitalism is built upon exploiting people for profit. Anyway... Textbooks for next semester are mandatory. You'll need the newest edition. (Cash Register) No, the old one won't work. HIGHLY EDUCATED!
