[INTRO — explosive big band / brass / walking bass / swing drums] [Libertine, spoken like a manic bandleader] Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight's performance will begin promptly at— [checks watch] Oh, fuck. We're late. TRUMPETS! [brass blast] TROMBONES! [brass response] DRUMS! [snare roll] EVERYBODY AT ONCE! [huge big-band hit] One! Two! One-two-three— LOSE YOUR FUCKING MINDS! [METALCORE/PUNK RIFF EXPLODES] [VERSE 1 — fast alternative punk] Phone ringing! Door knocking! Three conversations Nobody's stopping! Brain running Ten lanes wide Every fucking thought Wants to drive! Got one thing here Six things there Half a fucking plan And I lost my chair Somebody asks me, “Are you stressed?” NO! I'M JUST AGGRESSIVELY FUCKING MULTITASKING! [BRASS STAB] HEY! [PRE-CHORUS] Too much! LOVE IT! Too fast! FUCK IT! Slow down! WHY?! I finally found the rhythm— AND THE RHYTHM'S FUCKING FRANTIC! [CHORUS — huge metalcore/punk anthem] FRANTIC! AND I FUCKING LIKE IT! Heart goes— BA-DA-DA-DA-DA! DON'T FIGHT IT! FRANTIC! LET THE WHOLE ROOM SPIN! If chaos wants a dance tonight— THEN COUNT THE FUCKER IN! Hands up! MOVE! Heads back! MOVE! Brass hits! HEY! Guitars! GO! If everything's happening all at once— THEN FUCKING LET IT BLOW! [POST-CHORUS — brass + punk] FRAN-TIC! HEY! FRAN-TIC! HEY! LEFT! RIGHT! DON'T THINK! JUST FUCKING MOVE! [VERSE 2 — punk / swing accents] Calendar screaming Deadline moved Coffee disappeared Who drank it? [Silence] I did. Good. Back to the fucking groove! One foot forward Two steps sideways Somehow ended up Three fucking highways away You call it disorganized I call it— JAZZ WITH CONSEQUENCES! [horn flourish] I got plans on plans And schemes on schemes Half-built nightmares Half-built dreams You want straight lines? Wrong fucking guy! I COLOR OUTSIDE THEM AT 105 MILES AN HOUR! [PRE-CHORUS] Too loud! PERFECT! Too weird! PERFECT! Too much! PERFECT! Everybody breathe— [deep breath] BORING! HIT IT! [CHORUS] FRANTIC! AND I FUCKING LIKE IT! Heart goes— BA-DA-DA-DA-DA! DON'T FIGHT IT! FRANTIC! LET THE WHOLE ROOM SPIN! If chaos wants a dance tonight— THEN COUNT THE FUCKER IN! [BRIDGE — full big-band swing returns] [Libertine, crooning] They tell me, “Take your time.” Darling... time appears to have other arrangements. [horn response] They tell me, “Clear your mind.” Have you seen the place? There's no fucking vacancy. [big-band builds] So straighten your tie. Polish your shoes. Smile at disaster— AND GIVE THE BASTARD SOMETHING TO DANCE TO! [SWING DANCE SECTION] Trumpets! HEY! Trombones! HEY! Saxophones! HEY! Guitar player— [metalcore scrape] Ohhh... There you are. [BUILD — swing accelerates into punk] One thing! TWO THINGS! Three things! FOUR! Five fucking problems— KICK DOWN THE DOOR! Six! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! Everybody losing it— RIGHT ON FUCKING TIME! [BREAKDOWN — brass-metalcore fusion] FRAN! TIC! FRAN! TIC! BRASS! HIT! GUITARS! HIT! DRUMS! HIT! EVERYBODY— LOSE YOUR SHIT! HORNS GO— BA-DA-DA! GUITARS GO— DUN-DUN-DUN! MY HEAD GOES— EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE! AND SOMEHOW— I'M STILL HAVING FUN! [SECOND BREAKDOWN — crushing half-time] TOO! MUCH! TOO! FAST! TOO! LOUD! KISS! MY! ASS! YOU WANT ME CALM?! [Silence] No. You really don't. [HEAVIEST DROP] LET'S GET FUCKING FRANTIC! [FINAL CHORUS — big band + metalcore + punk] FRANTIC! AND WE FUCKING LIKE IT! Whole room— BA-DA-DA-DA-DA! GET WILD WITH IT! FRANTIC! LET THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE SPIN! If chaos wants a dance tonight— WE'RE FUCKING COUNTING IT IN! Brass up! HEY! Guitars! HEY! Everybody! HEY! HEY! HEY! One! TWO! Three! FOUR! LET'S GET FRANTIC ONE FUCKING TIME MORE! [FINAL BIG-BAND METAL HIT] FRAN! TIC! [OUTRO — crooked swing ending] [Libertine, breathless] See? Everything's completely under control. [crash off-mic] ... Nobody look over there.
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