So, you’ve got Stanky Leg…

roisintrue

1950s educational film music, orchestral, spoken-word

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[Bright educational orchestra]

[NARRATOR — warm, reassuring]

So you’ve got the Stanky Leg.

First things first.

Stay calm.

Stanky Leg can happen to anyone.

Your teacher.

Your milkman.

Even Dad.

And while there’s no reason to be ashamed, there’s certainly no reason to go waving it around.

[Music]

Maybe you noticed it this morning.

A little stiffness.

An unusual odor.

Perhaps your left trouser leg seemed somehow… busier than usual.

These are common warning signs.

But remember:

Only a qualified physician can diagnose Stanky Leg.

Your friends cannot.

Your barber cannot.

And despite what he may tell you…

neither can Uncle Frank.

[Music]

So what causes Stanky Leg?

Scientists don’t know.

But they have several exciting theories!

None have helped.

What we do know is that Stanky Leg appears most frequently in warm weather, crowded gymnasiums, and wherever Carl has recently been.

So use common sense.

Keep your leg clean.

Keep your leg dry.

And keep your leg to yourself.

[CHORUS — cheerful]

♪ Keep it clean! ♪
♪ Keep it dry! ♪
♪ Keep that Stanky Leg nearby! ♪

[NARRATOR]

Nearby to YOU.

Not others.

[Music]

Now, youngsters, you may be wondering:

“Can I still go to school with Stanky Leg?”

Of course you can!

But you’ll sit in the back.

“Can I play sports?”

Certainly!

Not swimming.

“Can I go to the picture show?”

Absolutely.

Aisle seat.

“Can I dance?”

…

No.

Let’s not be stupid.

[Music becomes gently inspirational]

Most importantly, don’t hide your Stanky Leg.

Keeping secrets only helps Stanky Leg spread.

Tell your parents.

Tell your doctor.

Tell anyone who may have recently shared a bicycle with you.

And if you’ve attended a hayride within the past seventy-two hours…

there’s a form.

[Music]

Your doctor may recommend rest.

Fresh air.

Loose-fitting trousers.

And in moderate to severe cases…

the boot.

Don’t be frightened by the boot.

Thousands of Americans have worn the boot and gone on to lead perfectly ordinary lives.

Except Walter.

But Walter had other problems.

[Music swells]

Remember, gang:

Stanky Leg isn’t the end of the world.

With patience, good hygiene, and responsible choices, you can still enjoy school, work, family, and nearly every activity you enjoyed before your diagnosis.

You have Stanky Leg.

Stanky Leg doesn’t have you.

[Beat]

Unless it’s reached the knee.

Then you’ve got yourself a situation.

[Cheerful orchestra]

ANNOUNCER:

This message has been brought to you by the American Stanky Leg Association.

Stanky Leg.

Know the signs.

Wash the leg.

And for Pete’s sake…

stop dancing.

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[Bright educational orchestra] [NARRATOR — warm, reassuring] So you’ve got the Stanky Leg. First things first. Stay calm. Stanky Leg can happen to anyone. Your teacher. Your milkman. Even Dad. And while there’s no reason to be ashamed, there’s certainly no reason to go waving it around. [Music] Maybe you noticed it this morning. A little stiffness. An unusual odor. Perhaps your left trouser leg seemed somehow… busier than usual. These are common warning signs. But remember: Only a qualified physician can diagnose Stanky Leg. Your friends cannot. Your barber cannot. And despite what he may tell you… neither can Uncle Frank. [Music] So what causes Stanky Leg? Scientists don’t know. But they have several exciting theories! None have helped. What we do know is that Stanky Leg appears most frequently in warm weather, crowded gymnasiums, and wherever Carl has recently been. So use common sense. Keep your leg clean. Keep your leg dry. And keep your leg to yourself. [CHORUS — cheerful] ♪ Keep it clean! ♪ ♪ Keep it dry! ♪ ♪ Keep that Stanky Leg nearby! ♪ [NARRATOR] Nearby to YOU. Not others. [Music] Now, youngsters, you may be wondering: “Can I still go to school with Stanky Leg?” Of course you can! But you’ll sit in the back. “Can I play sports?” Certainly! Not swimming. “Can I go to the picture show?” Absolutely. Aisle seat. “Can I dance?” … No. Let’s not be stupid. [Music becomes gently inspirational] Most importantly, don’t hide your Stanky Leg. Keeping secrets only helps Stanky Leg spread. Tell your parents. Tell your doctor. Tell anyone who may have recently shared a bicycle with you. And if you’ve attended a hayride within the past seventy-two hours… there’s a form. [Music] Your doctor may recommend rest. Fresh air. Loose-fitting trousers. And in moderate to severe cases… the boot. Don’t be frightened by the boot. Thousands of Americans have worn the boot and gone on to lead perfectly ordinary lives. Except Walter. But Walter had other problems. [Music swells] Remember, gang: Stanky Leg isn’t the end of the world. With patience, good hygiene, and responsible choices, you can still enjoy school, work, family, and nearly every activity you enjoyed before your diagnosis. You have Stanky Leg. Stanky Leg doesn’t have you. [Beat] Unless it’s reached the knee. Then you’ve got yourself a situation. [Cheerful orchestra] ANNOUNCER: This message has been brought to you by the American Stanky Leg Association. Stanky Leg. Know the signs. Wash the leg. And for Pete’s sake… stop dancing.

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