Maybe That's Defiance

------------------------------------------ LYRICS & MUSIC: ©️SpaceGhostBones 🌕Thank you for listening 🖤🌑✌🏻 ------------------------------------------ [[Content Advisory:]] This song contains themes of illness, trauma, and emotional struggle. May be triggering for some listeners. 🖤🧠 ------------------------------------------ [LYRICS:] Still breathin Still survivin Mmmmmmm I don’t know how I keep movin Body heavy thoughts confusin But the dogs still need me the house still calls And I answer even when I feel like losin Woke up sore in a war with my breath Still put on socks still clean the mess Still tell my girl it's alright just stress While my chest says otherwise under my dress I been carryin’ grief like groceries home List so long I forgot my own Plans fall through before they’re grown But I show up every time like it’s known Learned early how to smile on command How to read the room with a tremblin’ hand Learned how to make peace with demands While my own needs sank like sand Mask on tight with the seams all frayed Tone just right so I don’t get weighed Too much too blunt too sharp too late So I say less just in case Got dreams I can’t keep track of Runnin’ on fumes still packin’ love Burnout dressed like a daily task But I clock in like I’m built to last I still write when the fog rolls in Still clean floors when I’m wearin’ thin Still love deep even when I spin Still got fire buried within And I don’t wanna be brave for applause I just wanna rest without feelin’ at odds With this world that rewards what it never supports And asks you to smile through the loss So I keep goin not ‘cause it’s fine But ‘cause I made it mine This pain this fight this climb Ain’t the end It’s just my line Still breathin Still survivin Had cancer once now I carry that name Like a ghost that lives in my shoulder blades Try not to flinch every time I change Every lump every bruise feels the same I mourn the body I don’t get back The mind I lost when the fog turned black The girl I was when the road went flat Before the you’re so strong became a trap And I collapsed But in the end I wasn't alone She She was the ground beneath my war Fed me love I couldn't ask for anymore Planned the days when I lost my thread Made meals made calm made sure I was fed She drove when I couldn’t held the rage Shielded me soft through another cage She carried weight I couldn’t name And never once made me feel ashamed She’s the strength and I’m the soft She held the roof when my world dropped off We both survived but she built the ground So I could still rise when I broke down Some days I pray for silence not peace just space between demands But I flinch when it comes 'cause it means I exist again No hands holdin’ the weight for me And I can't even scream without thinkin’ if it sounds like I’m weak So I swallow it clean Chest tight jaw clenched Pacing the kitchen at 3 am tryna pretend I’m just thirsty Like my brain ain’t throwin’ fists in the dark Like I don’t hear echoes of every damn thing that broke me bark Like a dog I fed too long grief with a name I still mouth in songs You don’t know what it’s like to survive without rest To be loved and still feel like a guest in your own chest To pour for everyone and still thirst To cry like it’s strategy hide your worst And hope they don’t see the crack in the glass So you smile with your teeth and say this too shall pass But it don’t Not really The storm just teaches you how to carry rain differently How to turn breakdowns into bullet points for therapy How to be the strong one when you’re barely present mentally How to clean the house while disassociating gently How to hold your girl while forgettin’ if you’re empty How to say I’m tired like it’s just a joke How to carry your pain in the folds of a coat you just woke up wearin They call it resilience I call it comparin’ my worth to survival like livin’ means I won But what if I’m just the one who never got the option to run What if strength ain’t virtue but a lack of escape What if bravery’s just not leavin when you know it’s too late What if love ain’t soft it’s just quiet and taped together with fear What if healing never comes and this is just the career of surviving But it's alright it's alright Every day still risin Body breakin but I’m stylin Holdin’ grace with no guidance And I’m still here so maybe that’s defiance Yeah maybe that's defiance Still here Still breathin Still beatin Still reachin Still move when I feel like leavin Cry quiet but I keep speakin Ain’t fine But I show up Even when my soul’s had enough Don’t know how But I hold on Every fear I face makes me strong But it's alright it's alright Every day still risin Body breakin but I’m stylin Holdin’ grace with no guidance And I’m still here so maybe that’s defiance Yeah maybe that's defiance Still here Still breathin Still beatin Still reachin Still move when I feel like leavin Cry quiet but I keep speakin Holdin’ grace with no guidance And I’m still here so maybe that’s defiance Yeah maybe that's defiance