[Verse] Monday morning, Central Line, Running late like most the time Oyster card says “beep, you’re in,” The Oxford Circus can begin. Covent Garden, elbows out, Everybody speed-walks now. One bloke’s having quite a chat… Shame nobody’s answering back. ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] Business suits, annoying brats Tiny dogs inside backpacks. Eye contact’s not meant to be… So why you staring at me? ⸻ [Chorus] Mind the gap, mind your bag, Mind the bloke in the Union Jack. Mind the feet upon the seat, Mind the man who reeks of meat. Mind the gap, mind your phone Mind your business - mind your own Next stop—who knows who you’ll see? Welcome to the Jubilee! ⸻ [Post-Chorus] (Beep… beep…) Tap your Oyster, find a seat. (Beep… beep…) Someone’s spread across all three. (Beep… beep…) Welcome to the underground scene ⸻ [Verse] King’s Cross, Baker Street, Buskers dropping banging beats Piccadilly Line is rammed Like sardines, we’ve all been canned Woman with a massive snake, Couple with their wedding cake Not a word from no-one’s lips Such polite apocalypse. ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] Teenager with speakers loud, Like a Dee-Jay plays a crowd. Someone sighs but no one speaks… How’s that guy still fast asleep? ⸻ [Chorus] Mind the gap, mind your bag, Mind the bloke who stinks of fags Mind the drag queen dressed as Share It’s like a microcosm here Mind the gap, mind your tongue Mind the passive aggression Next stop—Leicester Square… Can feel the tension in the air. ⸻ [Post-Chorus] (Beep… beep…) Oyster says I’ve gone too far. (Beep… beep…) Since when was Zone One this hard? (Beep… beep…) There goes half my wages — ta! (Beep… beep…) ⸻ [Verse] Camden Town, commuters chic, Sequins & glitter coating seats Celeb comes on at Waterloo, Every stop brings something new Old ladies knitting long scarves Baby buggies block my path Influencer filming reels Whilst tourists wretch on jellied eels [Instrumental interlude] (Beep… beep…) (Beep… beep…) (Beep… beep…) (Beep… beep…) ⸻ [Bridge] Please stand clear, the doors will close… That bit everybody knows. Still someone makes a desperate run, Gets one foot stuck… “Cheers - nice one” [Drum roll] Someone sneezes, someone swears, Someone’s plucking their nose hairs. Life’s a sitcom underground, The greatest show in London town. ⸻ [instrumental Dance Breakdown] Change here… Stand clear… No delays… [Music stops] [Spoken sarcastically] “Yeah Right! … We’ve been down here for days” ⸻ [Instrumental dance interlude] [Final Chorus] Mind the gap, mind your bag, Mind the drunk boys on a stag Mind the hen do wrapped in pink, Prosecco gone before they think. Mind the gap, don’t mind at all That guy there, scratching his balls Next stop—Tottenham Court Road… Lets see how this story unfolds ⸻ [Extended Post-Chorus] (Beep… beep…) Oyster card says “off you go.” (Beep… beep…) Back again tomorrow though. (Beep… beep…) New cast members every day. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
