[INTRO — SNEAKY GROOVE] Twelve donuts. Five artists. I left for thirty seconds. [PAUSE] There are nine. What the hell happened? [VERSE 1] Rex is guarding the donut box, like security at the door. Claims he's protecting breakfast— while slowly eating number four. DJ's chewing rather slowly. DJ... would you like to explain? Jim is staring at the empty box, then checking it again. Looks at Rex. Looks at DJ. "Okay... which one of you ate the evidence?" Jessica's underneath the table— Why are you even under there? NavyRaven looks completely calm... with powdered sugar in her hair. [BEAT CUT] That's... probably unrelated. [PRE-CHORUS] Nine became eight. Eight became six. Jim yelled— "Everybody stay calm!" Then grabbed a maple twist. Rex said— "HEY! That's evidence!" Jim— "Not anymore." Jessica— "Are we investigating or just eating?" Good question. [CHORUS] WHO STOLE THE DONUTS?! Nobody leave this place! Rex has got some frosting stuck suspiciously to his face. DJ says Rex did it. Rex says, "Check DJ's plate!" Jim says, "Technically we're musicians... so this could be creative fate." Jessica's laughing. NavyRaven looks completely confused. Meanwhile another Boston cream has mysteriously... ENDED. [VERSE 2] We searched behind the speakers. We interrogated Rex. DJ demanded legal counsel— This got serious really fast. Jim volunteered as detective. Nobody asked him to. He made himself a little badge... out of a napkin and some glue. [PAUSE] Jim. Take that off. "No." Jessica found a jelly donut. NavyRaven yelled— "SECURE THE SCENE!" Rex grabbed half. Jessica grabbed half. [PAUSE] YOU TWO! Rex— "Teamwork." Jessica— "Exactly." [PRE-CHORUS] Five became four. Four became two. Everybody slowly turned... and stared at DJ. DJ— "Why are you looking at me?" Rex— "You're holding one." DJ looks down. "Oh." [CHORUS] WHO STOLE THE DONUTS?! This investigation's toast! Rex accused DJ, DJ accused the host. Jim flashed his napkin badge— "Everybody stand back!" NavyRaven stole a chocolate one while everybody watched that. HEY! "What?" YOU JUST ATE ONE! "No I didn't." WE WATCHED YOU! [PAUSE] "...prove it." [BRIDGE — MUSIC DROPS] Okay. Final inventory. Rex? "Define inventory." DJ? "Don't look at me." Jim? Still wearing the badge. Jessica? Chewing. NavyRaven? ... NavyRaven? [LOW] "I plead the fifth... donut." [BEAT DROPS] [FINAL CHORUS] WE ALL STOLE THE DONUTS! There! Mystery solved! Jim can retire his napkin badge, no detectives need involved. Rex stole maple. DJ took glazed. Jessica demolished cream. NavyRaven took the chocolate ones— [PAUSE] ...possibly three. Five artists. Twelve donuts. Not a crumb survived. We came here making music— and committed pastry crime. [OUTRO] Next week... I'm bringing twenty-four. Rex— "I'm guarding the box." NO. DJ— "Make it forty." Jessica— "Get raspberry." Jim— "Should I bring the badge?" EVERYONE— "NO!" NavyRaven— ... "I'm hiding my own box." [BEAT CUT]
