[guitar riff • trap hat rolls • 808s rumbling] [Intro] (Yee-yee!) (Mm-mm—aw lawd…) Yeah, lemme tell y’all ’bout the day I tried to be a hero… (big inhale) …and my stomach said “NOT TODAY.” [Verse 1] I signed up for the county fair chili-dog feast [guitar twang] Girl I liked was watchin’, so I turned into a beast (grrrrah!) Ate twelve in a minute, crowd yellin’ “GO!” But my belly started kickin’ like a rodeo (oh no no nooo…) Picture me standin’ there try’na look real tough But my guts bubble-rapped like “that’s enough” (brrr-brrr-brrap!) She smiled at me sweet, said “wow, you’re bold” Then my stomach did a solo like a tuba in the cold (HONK!) [Pre-Chorus] [guitar bend • trap snare build] Ooh, I felt the thunder rollin’ low (uh-oh… uh-oh!) Like a Harley engine ’bout to blow (vrrr-vrrroom!) [Chorus] [rock guitars • heavy 808s] Girl, I tried to win your heart— But I only won the bathroom (ooh-wee!) Thought I had a stomach of steel But it turned into a typhoon (BLURRRRP—sorry!) Went from chili champ to toilet tramp, Runnin’ laps like NASCAR doom (zoom-zoom-zoom!) Girl, I tried to impress ya— But my booty said “VROOM!” [Post-Chorus] (pffft—bap! …oh my gosh) Stop lookin’ at me like that It was the chili’s fault, I swear (Nu-uhh!) [Verse 2] Next day we go on a date at a fancy lil’ spot [guitar pickin’] I ordered one salad, she said “that’s all you got?” But my stomach still heated from the fight last night And the chair under me knew somethin’ wasn’t right (uh-huh… creeeak) I leaned in smooth, said “girl, you glow” Then my insides whispered, “I’m ’bout to blow” (brrrrrRRRMP!) She covered her nose, said “lord, is that you?” Nah sweetheart… that’s the ghost of chili-dog #2 (amen…) [Rap Bridge] [trap drums • distorted country guitar] Yo, I’m sweatin’, regrettin’, This gas got me stressin’ My stomach confessin’ My booty transgressin’ (pff-pff-pff-PAH!) Waitress walked by— and fainted on sight Girl whispered “take me home…” but not for the night She meant literally, “DROP ME OFF, GOODBYE.” [big fart 808: BWOMP!] [Chorus] [full band crash] Girl, I tried to win your heart— But I only won the bathroom (again!) Had a swagger, had the charm, But the gas said “make some rooooom” (ssssSSHHHrrr-POOT!) Went from hero to zero, Ruined the vibe, the date, the perfume Girl, I tried to impress ya— But my booty said “VROOM!” [Outro] [guitar fading • trap hats shimmering] (ugh… my stomach… mm-mm…) Yeah… next time I’ll just compliment her… Not swallow twelve chili dogs like a daredevil raccoon [soft fart—poof] …aw dang it.
