The refrigerator is mocking me

New wave electro-funk with dry drum machine, bouncing repetitive bass, muted clean guitar chops, sparse analog synth pulses, and faint appliance-like electronic ticks; close-mic male baritone spoken-word, deadpan with occasional doubled chorus and comic pauses; tight studio mix, minimal reverb; hypnotic 102 BPM groove

[Intro]
[spoken, dry, minimal groove]

I'm hungry.

[Beat]

Let's see what we've got.

[Verse 1]

Open the refrigerator.

[Pause]

Milk.

Eggs.

Mustard.

Half an onion.

Something in a container.

I don't know what that is.

[Beat]

I'm not eating that.

[Beat]

Close the refrigerator.

[Instrumental pause]

[Verse 2]

Thirty seconds later...

I'm hungry again.

[Beat]

Maybe something changed.

Open the refrigerator.

[Long pause]

No.

[Beat]

It's the same shit.

[Verse 3]

Okay.

Maybe I'm looking wrong.

Move the milk.

Move the eggs.

Open the drawer.

Nothing.

[Beat]

Close the refrigerator.

[Beat]

Walk away.

[Beat]

Think about food.

[Beat]

Turn around.

[Chorus]
[spoken with layered backing vocals]

OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR

MAYBE FOOD SPAWNED

OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR

MAYBE SOMETHING CHANGED

OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR

NOTHING FUCKING CHANGED

[Verse 4]

I know what's in there.

I've already looked.

But maybe...

[Beat]

There's something behind something.

[Beat]

Maybe there's a sandwich.

[Beat]

There wasn't a sandwich thirty seconds ago.

[Beat]

But thirty seconds is a long time.

[Verse 5]

Open the refrigerator.

[Pause]

Milk.

Eggs.

Mustard.

Half an onion.

Mystery container.

[Beat]

Still no sandwich.

[Beat]

This refrigerator is disappointing.

[Bridge]
[beat strips down]

Maybe I need to close it harder.

[Beat]

Close refrigerator.

[Beat]

Wait.

[Beat]

Open refrigerator.

[Long pause]

No.

[Beat]

Still nothing.

[Verse 6]

I stare into the refrigerator.

The refrigerator stares back.

[Beat]

Neither of us has a solution.

[Beat]

I could eat the eggs.

I don't want eggs.

I could eat the onion.

I'm not a fucking animal.

[Beat]

I could eat the mystery container.

[Long pause]

No.

[Chorus]

OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR

MAYBE FOOD SPAWNED

OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR

MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING NEW

OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR

WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE SAME SHIT?

[Breakdown]
[almost whispered]

Maybe I should go to the store.

[Beat]

No.

I don't want to go to the store.

[Beat]

Maybe I'll just wait.

[Beat]

Food might appear.

[Beat]

That's how refrigerators work.

[Outro]
[groove continues]

Open refrigerator.

[Pause]

Milk.

Eggs.

Mustard.

Onion.

Mystery container.

[Beat]

Close refrigerator.

[Beat]

Thirty seconds.

[Beat]

Open refrigerator.

[Long pause]

...

[quietly]

Fuck.

2344/7500

[Intro] [spoken, dry, minimal groove] I'm hungry. [Beat] Let's see what we've got. [Verse 1] Open the refrigerator. [Pause] Milk. Eggs. Mustard. Half an onion. Something in a container. I don't know what that is. [Beat] I'm not eating that. [Beat] Close the refrigerator. [Instrumental pause] [Verse 2] Thirty seconds later... I'm hungry again. [Beat] Maybe something changed. Open the refrigerator. [Long pause] No. [Beat] It's the same shit. [Verse 3] Okay. Maybe I'm looking wrong. Move the milk. Move the eggs. Open the drawer. Nothing. [Beat] Close the refrigerator. [Beat] Walk away. [Beat] Think about food. [Beat] Turn around. [Chorus] [spoken with layered backing vocals] OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR MAYBE FOOD SPAWNED OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR MAYBE SOMETHING CHANGED OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR NOTHING FUCKING CHANGED [Verse 4] I know what's in there. I've already looked. But maybe... [Beat] There's something behind something. [Beat] Maybe there's a sandwich. [Beat] There wasn't a sandwich thirty seconds ago. [Beat] But thirty seconds is a long time. [Verse 5] Open the refrigerator. [Pause] Milk. Eggs. Mustard. Half an onion. Mystery container. [Beat] Still no sandwich. [Beat] This refrigerator is disappointing. [Bridge] [beat strips down] Maybe I need to close it harder. [Beat] Close refrigerator. [Beat] Wait. [Beat] Open refrigerator. [Long pause] No. [Beat] Still nothing. [Verse 6] I stare into the refrigerator. The refrigerator stares back. [Beat] Neither of us has a solution. [Beat] I could eat the eggs. I don't want eggs. I could eat the onion. I'm not a fucking animal. [Beat] I could eat the mystery container. [Long pause] No. [Chorus] OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR MAYBE FOOD SPAWNED OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING NEW OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE SAME SHIT? [Breakdown] [almost whispered] Maybe I should go to the store. [Beat] No. I don't want to go to the store. [Beat] Maybe I'll just wait. [Beat] Food might appear. [Beat] That's how refrigerators work. [Outro] [groove continues] Open refrigerator. [Pause] Milk. Eggs. Mustard. Onion. Mystery container. [Beat] Close refrigerator. [Beat] Thirty seconds. [Beat] Open refrigerator. [Long pause] ... [quietly] Fuck.

0/500