Porkchop Detective

[Intro] [Indistinct Humming] [Verse 1] Late at night, when the grease drips slow, I slide through alleys where no hog should go. Fedora tilted, trench coat thick, I’m sniffin' out trouble with a bacon stick. [Verse 2] Someone fried the mayor — left him glazed, In a pool of maple, crime scene braised. A rasher of clues, a sizzle, a snap, I lit a smoke made of turkey wrap. [Chorus] I’m the porkchop detective, fryin' up the lies, With bacon bits fallin’ outta my eyes. Grease on my badge, truth in my pan, Bringin’ justice with a side of ham. [Verse 3] Interrogated a sausage in a smoky room, Said he saw a side of bacon meet its doom. Cracklin’ alibis, greasy trails, This case was smokier than discount sales. [Bridge] Oh, crispy fate, and chewy schemes, Crime cooked low in porky dreams. I took a bite outta the mystery, And tasted charred conspiracy. [Chorus] I’m the porkchop detective, grillin' the truth, Wearing bacon boxers since my youth. Cold cuts lie, but I sear through the pain, With a sizzling badge and a meaty brain. [Outro] So if your breakfast turns to crime, Call me up — I’m workin’ overtime. Porkchop detective, ridin’ the breeze, Solving meat crimes with a heart full of cheese.