[Intro – Spoken] Yo… TFX… you know what time it is. Everybody got a monster. Avengers had the Hulk… We got a Squatch. Actually… We got several Squatches. Uh-oh. [Verse 1] Lil Sasquatch creeping through the trees real low, Big Sasquatch behind him like, “Where’d Lil Squatch go?” Sassy Sasquatch strutting like he owns the whole forest, Hair so majestic even shampoo gets nervous! Big feet, big hair, big attitude, Walks into camp like, “Who ordered food?” He ain't looking for trouble, but trouble looks back— Then he cracks his knuckles like— “SASQUATCH SMASH!” Everybody scatter, better clear that path, Big hairy homie just activated wrath! Leaves flying, trees shaking, wildlife running fast, You thought you saw a bear? NAH—THAT'S A SQUATCH! [Hook] SASQUATCH! SASQUATCH! Big one, Lil one, everybody Squatch! Sassy Squatch, classy Squatch, Emotionally attached Squatch— DON'T TOUCH HIS STUFF, HE'LL LOSE HIS MIND! Avengers had a Hulk— TFX has a Squatch! You can build your little fortress, But this motherfucker's gonna— SASQUATCH SMASH! [Verse 2] We got Gay Sasquatch—yeah, he's fabulous too, Rocking rainbow fur like, “What it do?” He don't need camouflage, he wants that spotlight, Strutting through the forest like it's Squatch Fashion Night! Sassy Squatch said, “Bitch, fix your hair,” Big Squatch said, “Nobody touches my chair!” Lil Squatch crying 'cause somebody stole his snack, Emotionally Attached Squatch said— “WHO DID THAT?! GIVE IT BACK!” Now everybody's fighting over berries and booze, Squatch throwing pinecones like he's got nothing to lose. One starts yelling, another starts crying, One's dramatically screaming— “I'M DONE! I'M MOVING TO OHIO!” [Hook] SASQUATCH! SASQUATCH! Big one, Lil one, everybody Squatch! Sassy Squatch, classy Squatch, Drama Squatch—can't handle the watch! Big Squatch stompin', Lil Squatch dash, Sassy Squatch throwing verbal trash! Emotional Squatch having a panic attack— Then everybody screams— SASQUATCH SMASH! [Verse 3 – Rapid Fire] Bigfoot! Hairfoot! Sasquatch on patrol! Half man, half beast, whole lotta soul! One Squatch, two Squatch, three in the back, Four little Squatches riding in a backpack! Sassy got attitude— Big got rage— Lil got snacks— Gay Squatch got the stage! Emotionally attached and he won't let go, “Where you going?” “Nowhere!” “THEN WHY YOU WALKIN' SO SLOW?!” Squatch in the woods, Squatch in the cave, Squatch got feelings that he desperately saves. Squatch sees a butterfly— “AWWW!” Squatch sees a spider— “KILL THAT FUCKER!” [Bridge – Beat Drops] Wait… Wait… WAIT… You hear that? THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. That's not thunder… That's not an earthquake… That's— BIG. FUCKING. SQUATCH. [Beat explodes] SASQUATCH SMASH! [Final Verse] TFX rolled deep and the Squatch rolled deeper, Big hairy menace with a forest full of sneakers! Nobody knows where the hell he came from, But everybody knows when the Squatch gets pissed— RUN! Lil Squatch laughing, Sassy Squatch mad, Gay Squatch dancing, Big Squatch glad, Emotional Squatch hugging everybody in sight, Then somebody says— “Bro, you hugged me too tight!” CRACK! Squatch freezes. Everybody looks. Big Squatch whispers… “My bad.” Then he turns around and screams— SASQUATCH SMASH! [Final Hook] SASQUATCH! SASQUATCH! Big one, Lil one, everybody Squatch! Sassy! Classy! Hairy! Brash! TFX brought the— SASQUATCH SMASH! Avengers had a Hulk— TFX HAS A SQUATCH! Hulk can have the city— We got the fucking forest! Big Squatch! Lil Squatch! Sassy Squatch! Everybody— SASQUATCH! SMASH! [Outro – Spoken] You know what's worse than one Sasquatch? … A family of Sasquatches with Wi-Fi. TFX… We're fucked.
