Hook (slow, haunting — sticks emotionally) I don’t drink for fun, I drink for silence Tryna shut my mind off, moment of violence I don’t get drunk, I get numb So I don’t feel what I’ve become I don’t drink for fun, I drink to sleep Tryna make peace with the shit in me If I’m honest, I been losin’ myself But I hide it way too well Verse 1 I wake up already exhausted Like my soul never clocked out Mirror say I look normal But my eyes always burned out I don’t talk about the nights When I sit with the lights off Bottle empty on the floor Prayin’ thoughts don’t get loud Everybody say I’m strong But they don’t see the cost I didn’t heal, I adapted Learned how to function lost I don’t cry, I just stare I don’t scream, I just pour I don’t break in front of people I do it when I’m alone Pre-Chorus If I slow down, I feel it So I stay busy instead If I sit with my feelings They’ll crawl back into my head Hook I don’t drink for fun, I drink for silence Tryna shut my mind off, moment of violence I don’t get drunk, I get numb So I don’t feel what I’ve become I don’t drink for fun, I drink to sleep Tryna make peace with the shit in me If I’m honest, I been losin’ myself But I hide it way too well Verse 2 (confessional rap) I tell jokes so nobody worry Keep it light so they don’t ask questions I say “I’m good” outta habit Like it’s muscle memory protection I don’t wanna die, don’t get it twisted I just don’t wanna wake up like this Every day feel heavy as hell But I still carry it like it’s normal shit I don’t need more drinks I need someone to notice But I mastered lookin’ okay So nobody focus I miss who I was before pain Before survival took over Now I don’t live, I manage Just makin’ it to tomorrow Bridge (almost spoken / broken) If you heard my thoughts at night You wouldn’t say I’m fine I don’t hate my life I just hate my mind Final Hook (raw, stripped) I don’t drink for fun, I drink to cope Tryna hold together what I broke I don’t feel brave, I feel worn Still here, but barely holdin’ on I don’t drink for fun, I drink to breathe Just enough to get relief I’m not okay, I just learned How to bleed where nobody sees Outro Yeah… I still show up But I’m tired of pretendin’
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