So. The Soviet Union — *[LAUGH TRACK: mild, canned, slightly delayed — like someone pressed the button a half second late. ha. ha. ha.]* — created a landmine shaped like a butterfly. *[LAUGH TRACK: same energy. dutiful. hollow. the laugh of people who were told this was funny.]* They called it the **PFM-1.** Pastel. Winged. Plastic. Scattered from aircraft over villages so children would pick them up. *[LAUGH TRACK: a little uncertain now. still canned. but one person in the back stopped.]* They called it **area denial.** *[LAUGH TRACK: shorter this time. the button-presser hesitated.]* Now HERE is where a birthday party enters the courtroom — *[LAUGH TRACK: relieved — oh good we're back to safe — HA HA HA, the laugh of someone grateful for an off-ramp]* because **Karen** — *[LAUGH TRACK: HA HA HA — Karen always works, the crowd leans on it like a life raft]* — paid **$47 for a custom butterfly sprinkle cake.** *[LAUGH TRACK: comfortable again. nodding. yes. sprinkles. funny.]* Same shape. *[LAUGH TRACK: sure, okay, ha]* Same color. *[LAUGH TRACK: mm-hm, ha ha]* Same. Target. Demographic. *[LAUGH TRACK: ... it starts. then stops. one awkward syllable escapes. heh.]* Both found by children. On the ground. *[LAUGH TRACK: silence where the laugh should be. then it fires anyway — mechanical, wrong, the sound of a system that doesn't know how to not laugh — HA HA HA — but it's hollow now, everyone hears the machine]* One delivers **buttercream.** *[LAUGH TRACK: grateful, desperate — HA HA HA — clinging]* One delivers **not buttercream.** *[LAUGH TRACK: fires immediately, too fast, overcorrecting — HAHAHAHA — someone is sweating on the button]* The PFM-1 is **banned.** *[LAUGH TRACK: confused, shorter — ha? ha.]* The sprinkles are **unregulated.** *[LAUGH TRACK: long silence. then — HA. singular. alone. like a dog that doesn't know the walk is over.]* Your cousin's gender reveal. Your office birthday. Your kid's Tuesday snack. *[LAUGH TRACK: firing in short desperate bursts now — HA — HA — HA — like a car that won't start in January]* The Soviets got **war crimes tribunals.** *[LAUGH TRACK: the button gets pressed and nothing comes out. the system hiccups. a single "heh" escapes from somewhere deep in the machinery like a dying breath]* **Betty Crocker got a brand deal.** *[LAUGH TRACK: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA — unhinged now, full panic, the volume is wrong, it's too much, it knows it's wrong and cannot stop, someone in the booth is just holding the button down with their whole palm, eyes wide, laughing the laugh of a person laughing so they do not scream]* *[LAUGH TRACK: still going.]* *[LAUGH TRACK: still going.]* *[LAUGH TRACK: fades slowly into a single sustained note that is technically laughter but sounds like grief]*
