The Retraction

"Good evening. We need to address our broadcast from two nights ago. After further review — and in consultation with several federal agencies whose cooperation this network depends upon — we have determined that the report contained significant factual errors. The documents we referenced were not classified. They were not obtained through official channels. And they did not contain what our team represented them to contain. We were mistaken. The individuals described in our report are not extraterrestrial in origin. There is no evidence — verified, credible, or otherwise — to support that claim. The behavioral analysis data we cited has been reviewed by independent experts who found no basis for the conclusions we drew. We should not have aired that report. Regarding the suggestion that the Department of Defense requested we destroy footage — that is not accurate. We were asked, politely and through proper legal channels, to verify our sources before broadcasting unconfirmed material. We did not do that. We should have. We also want to address the anchor who delivered that report. She is currently on leave. She is fine. We expect her back — at some point. To our viewers who called in. To our viewers who wrote to us. To our viewers who sent photographs, addresses, names of their neighbors — Please do not do that. There is nothing to investigate. There is no one among you who does not belong. Everything is normal. We are grateful for your continued trust in this network. We regret any alarm our previous report may have caused. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming."