[Intro - Theremin + Surf Guitar] News Flash from Main Street, folks don't look now... [Verse 1] Well I woke up this morning 'bout a quarter past eight, Garden's gone wild, yeah it stayed up too late, Mr. Johnson's prize patch started growlin' low, Said "We been ketchup, now it's time to ketchup SLOW." Mayor rang the bell, said "Citizens, don't panic!" While a Beefsteak the size of a Buick did a romantic panic, Sheriff drew his pistol, shot a cherry tomato, It bounced right off and yelled "YOU CALL THAT A POTATO?!" [Chorus] KILLER TOMATOES! Took over the town, wearin' little leaf crowns! KILLER TOMATOES! Rollin' down Main like they own the whole town! Don't run, don't scream, they hate that vinaigrette dream, They're pulpy, they're juicy, they're extra obscene! KILLER TOMATOES! We tried to make salsa - Now the salsa's makin' US! [Verse 2] Mildred's diner got hit at the lunch rush, Heirloom horde did the ketchup bottle crush, They slithered on the counter, on little vine feet, Yelled "NO MORE BLT, NOW YOU'RE THE MEAT!" The preacher prayed, "Lord, save us from this marinara!" Tomato in the pew said, "Father, you're in error-a!" Little Timmy tried to hide inside the produce bin, Got peer-pressured into a salad - he couldn't win! [Pre-Chorus - Doo-wop backing vocals] Splat! (There goes the barber shop) Squish! (There goes the crop) Plop! (Don't you step in that - too late, you did!) [Chorus] KILLER TOMATOES! Squattin' in the courthouse, judgin' all our cases! KILLER TOMATOES! Wearin' our hats and makin' funny faces! They cut the power, killed the Wi-Fi too, Said "If we can't get ripe, no TikTok for you!" [Verse 3 - The Ballad Breakdown] Now the big one, Caesar, he's a Roma with a plan, Thinks he's Tony Soprano in a fruit stand, He's got a little toothpick like a little cigar, Says "You squeezed us for years, now we squeeze you - HA!" We tried the fire hose, we tried the lawnmower, They just got saucier, they just grew bolder, Mrs. Henderson threw her prize-winning pie, They ate it and said "Needs more human, not rye!" Punchline city: They took the stoplight - now it's green, green, RED! They took the school bus - now it's all tomato-led! The DJ played "Vegetables" - they booed off the stage, Said "Play something with SEEDS, you cage!" [Bridge - Slow, Dramatic, Then Ridiculous] Oh, we should have listened to that weird kid with the compost bin, He said "They're listenin'... they hate when you put 'em in gin..." Now they're runnin' bingo night down at the VFW, And they always win - 'cause they brought extra stew! [Big Horror Movie Ending Verse] So if you hear a squelch outside your back door, And your garden starts knockin' like never before, Don't offer 'em salt, don't offer 'em pepper, They're on a low-sodium revenge - and they're gettin' deffer... wait, deader! They want the town sign changed to "Tomatoville", They want free sunscreen 'cause they burn and peel, They've unionized the corn, radicalized the peas, And the cucumbers quit 'cause nobody said please! [Final Chorus - All Together, Campy Scream Queens] KILLER TOMATOES! Took over the town and they raised all the rent! KILLER TOMATOES! Spent our whole budget on fresh basil - 100 percent! We are the salad now! Oh, what a twist! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... get tossed! Get tossed! [Outro - Whispered] Shhh... don't move... I think that Romas seen us... ...too late, he wants ketchup. SPLAT!
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