You there… With the baseball cap And the energy drink. Do try to keep up… Be Fractastic… Fucker. “What the hell is chap hop?” Good Lord… What a question. That’s like asking Michelangelo, “What exactly is impression?” Its etiquette, With better threats, And leather-bound aggression. Hip-hop Had a cup of Earl Grey, Then learned enunciation. We weaponize, Apologized, Remarks with perfect diction. Call you, Socially inadequate… You thank me, For the friction. We’ve got Brass-tacks, Back-slaps, Waxed ’staches, Tax brackets, Battle rappers Who’d sooner Straighten napkins Than jackets. You’re all, Crash, smash, Flash cash, Hashtag antics. We’re… Class stacked, Fast-tacked… Fractastic. Fractastic! Rather gymnastic. Half aristocratic… Half sarcastic. Every bar’s A barber’s razor. Every phrase Gets sharper later. You can keep Your gold chains, Old boy… I’ve inherited… Vocabulary. Permit correction… No… Not correction… Education. Observe articulation, Versus your pronunciation. My multisyllabics, Do calisthenics, Round your conversation. Your rhyme schemes, Need life support. Mine own, Their own real estate. You rhyme “Money” With… “Money.” How aggressively…Second-rate. Your flow’s A pudding Left in rain. Mine’s a railway timetable. Yours is “Bruh.” Mine cites sources. Entirely more reliable. Do forgive me… That wasn’t an insult. It was… An observation With excellent tailoring. What… Is… Chap hop? It’s rap… That showers. Fractastic! Rather gymnastic. Half aristocratic… Half sarcastic. Every bar’s A barber’s razor. Every phrase Gets sharper later. You can keep Your gold chains, Old boy… I’ve inherited… Vocabulary. Top hat. Stop that. Mind where You spit that. Pocket square Sharper Than your mixtape’s Impact. Steam stacks, Street maps, Three rats, Tea flasks. Leave your muddy trainers Outside with the peacocks. You came for beats? Excellent. We’ve several. Alongside Jam, Marmalade, And constitutional principles. We’re dropping Double entendres By parliamentary order. You’re dropping Entire vowels Every quarter. One adjusts one’s cuff. One dusts one’s sleeve. One verbally dismantles Everything believed. Then apologizes… For the inconvenience. Fractastic! Needlessly bombastic. Needle-threading, Letterpressing, Linguistic acrobatics. What’s chap hop? It’s hip-hop… With posture. With polish. With pocket watches. With bars Pressed cleaner Than your trousers. Now run along. Try grime. We’ll remain Immaculately… Fractastic.
