The Forbidden Cheese Wheel

Jordy The Ill

psychedelic folk-rock, dungeon funk, quirky dark comedy, mystical / occult soundscape

+ Show full styles

V5.5

[Intro – dungeon ambience]
[SFX: cave drip • cosmic hum • faint funk bass]

PIP:
Fattyfoot.

FATTYFOOT:
Yes?

PIP:
Do not eat the glowing cheese.

FATTYFOOT:
That sounds like fear talking.

PIP:
That sounds like basic survival talking.

FATTYFOOT:
Same accent.

[SFX: ominous cheese shimmer]

[Verse 1 – groovy, psychedelic]
FATTYFOOT:
Deep in the cellar where the torches lean,
We found a wheel of yellow-green.
It hummed my name in a buttery tone,
Sitting on a little black altar stone.

PIP:
There were warning runes.

FATTYFOOT:
Decorative.

PIP:
There were skulls.

FATTYFOOT:
Suggestive.

PIP:
There was a sign that said “forbidden.”

FATTYFOOT:
And that is how you sell cheese.

[Pre-Chorus – building]
BOTH:
Round and ripe,
Wrong and bright,
Moon in a rind,
Bite of the night.

[SFX: cosmic hum grows]

[Chorus – catchy dungeon funk]
BOTH:
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Rolling through my mind.
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Leaving common sense behind.

FATTYFOOT:
I saw tomorrow,
And it smelled like brie.

PIP:
She breathed one word,
And the candles tried to flee.

BOTH:
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Don’t ask how it feels.
Never trust a prophecy
That comes in meals.

[SFX: crowd “ooooh” • tiny funk riff]

[Verse 2 – story]
FATTYFOOT:
I took one bite and the walls turned blue,
A goblin sneezed and became fondue.
My shadow stood up and said “goodbye,”
Then walked off whistling through my eye.

PIP:
Her breath knocked three bats out of flight,
Cracked a mug, dimmed a light.
The barkeep whispered, “Is she cursed?”

FATTYFOOT:
I said, “Maybe, but I’m cultured first.”

PIP:
Then she spoke in tongues.

FATTYFOOT:
Ancient tongues.

PIP:
Mostly sandwich-related.

FATTYFOOT:
Wisdom arrives in many breads.

[Pre-Chorus – trippy]
BOTH:
Rind of gold,
Mold of doom,
Something laughing
In the room.

[SFX: cheese prophecy whispers]
WHISPERS:
Cheeeese… wheeeel… seeee… kneeeel…

[Chorus]
BOTH:
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Rolling through my mind.
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Leaving common sense behind.

FATTYFOOT:
I saw the stars
In a soup tureen.

PIP:
She hugged a chair
And called it queen.

BOTH:
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Don’t ask how it feels.
Never trust a prophecy
That comes in meals.

[Bridge – the cheese speaks]
[SFX: bass drops out • cosmic hum • deep echo]

THE CHEESE:
Faaaattyfooooot…

FATTYFOOT:
The cheese knows my name.

PIP:
That is usually bad.

THE CHEESE:
I have slept beneath kingdoms.
I have watched empires curdle.
I have seen the moon crack
like a dry cracker in soup.

FATTYFOOT:
That is beautiful.

PIP:
That is dairy-based madness.

THE CHEESE:
Beware the goose with the knife.
Beware the third breakfast bell.
Beware the man who smiles
before offering free turnips.

PIP:
That last one is just good advice.

THE CHEESE:
And lo…
the sock drawer shall open.

[SFX: thunderous cheese chord]

FATTYFOOT:
I understand everything.

PIP:
You absolutely do not.

[Instrumental – psychedelic folk-rock jam]
[SFX: wah guitar • flute swirl • distant cheese whispers]

[Verse 3 – aftershock]
FATTYFOOT:
When the vision passed and the funk rolled on,
The cheese was dust and my spoon was gone.
My breath wrote letters in the tavern air,
Prophecies curled in every chair.

PIP:
One said “duck.”
One said “pie.”
One said “never trust a handsome guy
with twelve clean teeth and a pickle cart.”

FATTYFOOT:
The cheese sees deep into the heart.

[Final Chorus – bigger]
BOTH:
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Rolling through my mind.
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Leaving normal snacks behind.

FATTYFOOT:
I saw the future,
I saw the sea.

PIP:
She saw a napkin
And called it destiny.

BOTH:
Forbidden cheese wheel,
Bless these cursed meals.
Never trust a prophecy
That comes in wheels.

[Outro – spoken]
PIP:
So what did we learn?

FATTYFOOT:
Some cheeses are sacred.

PIP:
No.

FATTYFOOT:
Some cheeses are dangerous.

PIP:
Closer.

FATTYFOOT:
Some cheeses should be shared.

PIP:
Fattyfoot.

FATTYFOOT:
Fine. Next time I save you a slice.

[SFX: magical burp • cosmic hum cuts out]

3966/7500

[Intro – dungeon ambience] [SFX: cave drip • cosmic hum • faint funk bass] PIP: Fattyfoot. FATTYFOOT: Yes? PIP: Do not eat the glowing cheese. FATTYFOOT: That sounds like fear talking. PIP: That sounds like basic survival talking. FATTYFOOT: Same accent. [SFX: ominous cheese shimmer] [Verse 1 – groovy, psychedelic] FATTYFOOT: Deep in the cellar where the torches lean, We found a wheel of yellow-green. It hummed my name in a buttery tone, Sitting on a little black altar stone. PIP: There were warning runes. FATTYFOOT: Decorative. PIP: There were skulls. FATTYFOOT: Suggestive. PIP: There was a sign that said “forbidden.” FATTYFOOT: And that is how you sell cheese. [Pre-Chorus – building] BOTH: Round and ripe, Wrong and bright, Moon in a rind, Bite of the night. [SFX: cosmic hum grows] [Chorus – catchy dungeon funk] BOTH: Forbidden cheese wheel, Rolling through my mind. Forbidden cheese wheel, Leaving common sense behind. FATTYFOOT: I saw tomorrow, And it smelled like brie. PIP: She breathed one word, And the candles tried to flee. BOTH: Forbidden cheese wheel, Don’t ask how it feels. Never trust a prophecy That comes in meals. [SFX: crowd “ooooh” • tiny funk riff] [Verse 2 – story] FATTYFOOT: I took one bite and the walls turned blue, A goblin sneezed and became fondue. My shadow stood up and said “goodbye,” Then walked off whistling through my eye. PIP: Her breath knocked three bats out of flight, Cracked a mug, dimmed a light. The barkeep whispered, “Is she cursed?” FATTYFOOT: I said, “Maybe, but I’m cultured first.” PIP: Then she spoke in tongues. FATTYFOOT: Ancient tongues. PIP: Mostly sandwich-related. FATTYFOOT: Wisdom arrives in many breads. [Pre-Chorus – trippy] BOTH: Rind of gold, Mold of doom, Something laughing In the room. [SFX: cheese prophecy whispers] WHISPERS: Cheeeese… wheeeel… seeee… kneeeel… [Chorus] BOTH: Forbidden cheese wheel, Rolling through my mind. Forbidden cheese wheel, Leaving common sense behind. FATTYFOOT: I saw the stars In a soup tureen. PIP: She hugged a chair And called it queen. BOTH: Forbidden cheese wheel, Don’t ask how it feels. Never trust a prophecy That comes in meals. [Bridge – the cheese speaks] [SFX: bass drops out • cosmic hum • deep echo] THE CHEESE: Faaaattyfooooot… FATTYFOOT: The cheese knows my name. PIP: That is usually bad. THE CHEESE: I have slept beneath kingdoms. I have watched empires curdle. I have seen the moon crack like a dry cracker in soup. FATTYFOOT: That is beautiful. PIP: That is dairy-based madness. THE CHEESE: Beware the goose with the knife. Beware the third breakfast bell. Beware the man who smiles before offering free turnips. PIP: That last one is just good advice. THE CHEESE: And lo… the sock drawer shall open. [SFX: thunderous cheese chord] FATTYFOOT: I understand everything. PIP: You absolutely do not. [Instrumental – psychedelic folk-rock jam] [SFX: wah guitar • flute swirl • distant cheese whispers] [Verse 3 – aftershock] FATTYFOOT: When the vision passed and the funk rolled on, The cheese was dust and my spoon was gone. My breath wrote letters in the tavern air, Prophecies curled in every chair. PIP: One said “duck.” One said “pie.” One said “never trust a handsome guy with twelve clean teeth and a pickle cart.” FATTYFOOT: The cheese sees deep into the heart. [Final Chorus – bigger] BOTH: Forbidden cheese wheel, Rolling through my mind. Forbidden cheese wheel, Leaving normal snacks behind. FATTYFOOT: I saw the future, I saw the sea. PIP: She saw a napkin And called it destiny. BOTH: Forbidden cheese wheel, Bless these cursed meals. Never trust a prophecy That comes in wheels. [Outro – spoken] PIP: So what did we learn? FATTYFOOT: Some cheeses are sacred. PIP: No. FATTYFOOT: Some cheeses are dangerous. PIP: Closer. FATTYFOOT: Some cheeses should be shared. PIP: Fattyfoot. FATTYFOOT: Fine. Next time I save you a slice. [SFX: magical burp • cosmic hum cuts out]

0/500