[SMITH, a baritone with vocal range A2 to D4] One of us must stand for the truth of science On reproducible facts we place our reliance. Sohmz, my friend, it’s a scientific death You’re in over your head and out of your depth How could you be so foolish? Make science so crude, so brutish Never thought you would break the Beautiful Law The way in which through the data you claw The biggest sin, not the rot, but the P.R. slop. It reflects so poorly on us all One of us must make it fall Come, Cook and let us see, If any truth in this there be. Check the mail, check the tv Gather all the data and bring it to me. [BRIDGE sung by COOK, a high rock tenor] Smith is asking me for my opinion? It’s totally out of my dominion. Out of my mathematical perch I’ve barely gotten through my own research Can he want me to lead the charge here? I will utterly fail I fear. Think how I messed up my Four-Yay talk I’ve still a year to go and then a post doc [SMITH, a baritone with vocal range A2 to D4] One of us must stand for the truth of science On reproducible facts we place our reliance. Soames, my God, it’s a scientific death You’re in over your head and out of your depth You are a colleague and a close friend Whom I wish I could defend But this is not part of your history Sadly, it will be your only legacy Will your antics reflect on me? Will they destroy our community? Who is to say what havoc you wreak Will our future be bleak? [SMITH, a baritone with vocal range A2 to D4] Oh my god what a horrible mess I wish it wasn’t me, I confess One of us has to put you out of this misery How you got here is a terrible mystery One of us must stand for the truth of science On reproducible facts we place our reliance. Sohmz , you fool, it’s a scientific death You’re in over your head and out of your depth
