The World's Most Famous Spy

[Verse] I used to slip through shadows, Disappear without a trace. Now my face is on a billboard Next to ads for toothpaste. I walk into a safe house, The guards all wave and grin. One says, "Huge fan, by the way, Could you sign my jacket, friend?" The villain's secret fortress Used to fill me up with dread. Now the receptionist says, "Mr. Spy, they're expecting you ahead." [Pre-Chorus] I spent twenty years mastering disguise, Learning every trick in the book. Now people recognize me Before I even take a look. [Chorus] I'm the world's most famous spy, And that's a problem, can't you see? It's hard to gather secrets When everybody recognizes me. I can't sneak across a border, I can't hide, I can't lie. I'm the world's most famous spy— And everybody knows why. [Verse] I tried a fake mustache, A hat and dark sunglasses too. The customs agent laughed and said, "Nice try, we still know it's you." I hid inside a flower cart, A laundry truck, a van. Someone posted twenty photos Before I finished the plan. The enemy keeps sending me Gift baskets every year. The note says, "Good luck infiltrating us, We know you're already here." [Pre-Chorus] Every code name that I ever used Is printed on a shirt. The mystery is completely gone, And frankly that's the worst. [Chorus] I'm the world's most famous spy, And that's a problem, can't you see? It's hard to gather secrets When everybody recognizes me. I can't bug a conference room, I can't blend with the crowd. The second I walk through the front door, Someone shouts my name out loud. [Bridge] The villains know my schedule. The heroes know it too. My undercover identities Appear in magazines. My autobiography Won three literary awards. Which, in retrospect, May have been a mistake. [Breakdown] Last month I tried to infiltrate A secret auction in disguise. The host took one look at me and said, "Your table's on the right-hand side." I said, "I'm not supposed to be here." He said, "Of course you are, you're the famous spy." I said, "This is a covert operation." He said, "Then why'd you arrive through the front door while signing autographs?" The villains all applauded. One asked for career advice. Another wanted confirmation That the movie got my accent right. Honestly, At this point, I'm beginning to suspect My cover may be compromised. [Verse] Last week I tried eavesdropping On a criminal syndicate. They paused the meeting halfway through To celebrate my visit. The mastermind stood up and said, "We're honored that you came. Would you mind posing for a picture Before we continue our evil scheme?" [Final Chorus] I'm the world's most famous spy, The legend everybody knows. I've got awards and action figures, Documentaries and shows. But I'd trade all the fame away For one anonymous night. Because a spy who's recognized Is not a very good spy. [Outro] Tomorrow I'll attempt another mission. New disguise. New passport. New identity. I've spent six months preparing. The agency assures me Nobody will recognize me this time. Which is encouraging. Except the villain already sent flowers. The card reads: "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Safe travels." And somehow... That's classified information.