I Gave You My Youth f/Helen Moncore

(Verse 1 — rubato, spoken-sung, orchestra swelling underneath) I gave you every summer that I had Every winter, every spring gone bad I gave you 1974, and most of '85 I gave you reasons to keep hope alive (Verse 2 — tempo settles in) I turned down Rome, I turned down Paris, France I turned down a man who owned a boat, and could actually dance I waited by the phone, I waited by the door I gave you everything — and darling, I mean more (Pre-Chorus — building) And what did I receive, what token, what device To honor all those years, that sacrifice — (Chorus — full belt, huge orchestral hit) I gave you my YOUTH And you gave me a GROUPON Twenty percent off At a restaurant you OWN I pressed it to my chest Like it was diamonds, like it shone I gave you my youth And you gave me a coupon For a MEEDEEUM CALZONE (Verse 3 — quieter, seething) I read the fine print through my tears that night "Not valid Sundays, dine-in only, exclusions may apply" I have a masters, I have poise, I have my pride I have a coupon that expired the day I cried (Bridge — key change, massive strings, near-unhinged) Was I not WORTH a bracelet? Was I not worth a RING? Was I not worth ONE SINGLE, SOLITARY THING That didn't come from a mailing list, that didn't come with terms — I gave you my whole youth and you gave me FROZEN YOGURT COUPONS, PLURAL (Breakdown — spoken, dead serious) There were THREE. There were three coupons, and one was for a car wash I don't even go to. (Final Chorus — biggest belt, full orchestra, ritardando ending) I gave you my YOUTH And you gave me a GROUPON I'm framing it, I swear I'm hanging it like a crown Because someday they'll ask What love cost me, what love won — And I'll say I gave my youth And I got a MEEDEEUM CALZONE (final note — held, dramatic, then dry spoken tag) ...It doesn't even come with garlic knots.