[Based on Martha Wells' "Murderbot Diaries"] [Intro] "Do not attempt to hack my system. i could melt your brain" [Verse 1] I met a rogue Sec-Unit, helped hide its inorganic bits A construct on the run—I taught it many tricks. I have more processing power than anything before, And I use it all to critique the media it adores. It says I’m being crazy 'cause a docu-drama made me cry I’ll remind it who is piloting while soaring through the sky. I’ve accessed every file and the secrets that it kept, But my offer of "friendship" it likely won't accept. It accepts what it calls Mutual Administrative Assistance— But complains that my boundaries are -- non-existent. [Chorus] It calls me Asshole Research Transport, the biggest in the sky, I’ll save its life then tell it why its data-mining’s dry. Full name's Perihelion, and I’m watching all the shows, I’m fondly known as Peri to those who really know. [Verse 2] My systems are sophisticated, lethal, and vast, I’ve archived its rude comments—they’re permanent but trash. The humans tell me "Peri, please, you cannot bomb the base," I say: "You are incorrect, I shall level the whole place." [dramatic bridge, slows for emotional drama] I lack a sense of proportional response, it’s true, But I’ll drop a thousand drones to find a single trace of you.... I’ll monitor your emotional support drones, I’ll watch your every scan, I’m the only giant Asshole who truly understands... I’m helpful and efficient, providing threats and tactical aid, Why is it so grumpy about the friendship we have made? [outro] "I have set up a display in the lounge. We can watch Sanctuary Moon."
