Well, YOUR dog might be good at fetch, But mine's a legend, pal! He saved the whole darn territory! And that ain't even all! [Verse 1] You said your dog could catch a ball, And jump across a creek, Well, mine once fought a grizzly bear For nearly half a week! The bear was seven stories tall, With claws like rusty knives, But Duke just barked one mighty bark— The bear apologized! He saved the mayor's daughter, too, From outlaws on the run, He chased 'em clear to Mexico Before he'd finished lunch! [Chorus — proud, rowdy singalong] He's the most dangerous dog in the West! The toughest, the bravest, the very best! He stared down death, made the bad guys flee, And once bit a bullet meant for me! He's got a heart of gold and a jaw of steel, He can smell a bandit through a wagon wheel! You can laugh all day, but I tell you it's true— The West would be gone without my Duke! [Verse 2] He stopped a train with one front paw When its brakes all fell apart, Then dragged it twenty miles uphill With a rope around his heart! He found a gold mine, saved a town, And lassoed a tornado, He taught a rattlesnake to tap-dance And made a cactus say, "Howdy!" He wrestled ten desperados On the courthouse roof at noon, Then dug a tunnel through the Rockies With nothing but a teaspoon! [Spoken — offended] What's that? You say dogs can't lasso? Well, yours can't. [Verse 3] One night the moon fell out of place, The stars began to shake, Duke climbed up the tallest pine And put the sky back straight! A meteor came screaming down To flatten our whole town, He sneezed it clear to Saturn And never even sat down! He faced a hundred rattlesnakes, A thousand wolves, and three Extremely rude coyotes Who said your dog was better than he! [Chorus — bigger, with gang vocals] He's the most dangerous dog in the West! The toughest, the bravest, the very best! He stared down death, made the bad guys flee, And once bit a bullet meant for me! He's got a heart of gold and a jaw of steel, He can smell a bandit through a wagon wheel! You can laugh all day, but I tell you it's true— The West would be gone without my Duke! [Bridge — dramatic, suddenly sincere] And when the sun goes down to sleep, And all the coyotes howl, He guards our little wooden shack With one big, fearless growl. He sleeps beside my bed at night, He keeps the banditos away, And if the whole world picked on me, I'd know he'd see me through the day. [Spoken — quickly defensive] And I NEVER said he was a dragon! I said he chased one! Open your big ears and try listening! [Final Verse — building excitement] He once outran a hurricane, He once outdrank a lake, He once ate forty-seven pies And never got a stomachache! He caught a falling mountain Before it crushed a sheep, Then tucked it back behind the hills And told the rocks to keep! So say what you like about your dog, I know who's number one! Mine's the greatest hero ever born— [Spoken — quieter, reluctantly] Well... except that one time He ran away from a prairie hare... [Pause] It was a BIG prairie hare! [Final Chorus — triumphant] He's the most dangerous dog in the West! The toughest, the bravest, the very best! He saved the stars and he saved the sea— And he still comes home to sit with me! He's a heart of gold with a jaw of steel, The greatest dog that the world's ever seen! And if you don't believe a single thing I say— [Spoken — whispering to the audience] Don't tell Duke. He gets sad. [Outro — cheerful banjo flourish] Yee-haw! Good boy, Duke! Good boy!
