[Instrumental Intro: exposed elastic slap-bass motif, gradually joined by clipped wah guitar, Rhodes, clavinet, restrained dry drums and bright brass accents] [Verse 1] Three hours deep into a private room! My headset's fogged up like a sauna tomb! You're looking cute in your e-boy skin, I'm trying hard to let the feeling in! I close my eyes and try to phantom-touch, But honestly my brain is thinking way too much. My hip tracker is digging right into my spine, I grit my teeth and say, "Oh yeah, I'm fine!" [Pre-Chorus] You ask me if I'm getting close to the end... I've been at eighty percent since we logged in, my friend! The spirit is willing, the polygons are hot, But my biology is screaming, "No it's not." [Chorus] Oh! The endless virtual marathon! The headset's heavy and the sweat is pouring on! I can't quite cross the finish line tonight, But I will fake it in the neon light! I'm rubbing phantom pixels, fighting through the pain! A cardio workout for absolutely zero gain! I'll never climax in the metaverse, it's true... But I'll keep trying every weekend just for you! [Verse 2] You've finished twice, you're taking off your gear. I'm doing lunges just to persevere. My controllers weigh a hundred pounds a piece, I'm praying for a sudden, sweet release! I stare directly at your anime eyes, Trying to hypnotize my own demise. I'm doing geometry to get the angle right, I'm gonna pull a hamstring in this fight! [Instrumental Vamp] [Instrumental: extended slap-bass groove, clipped wah guitar and Rhodes trade four-bar answers, brass punctuation] [Pre-Chorus] My base stations are humming a mocking little tune. It's 4 AM, I'm howling at the moon! The spirit is willing, the immersion is deep, But honestly my lower half just wants to go to sleep! [Chorus] Oh! The endless virtual marathon! The headset's heavy and the sweat is pouring on! I can't quite cross the finish line tonight, But I will fake it in the neon light! I'm rubbing phantom pixels, fighting through the pain! A cardio workout for absolutely zero gain! I'll never climax in the metaverse, it's true... But I'll keep trying every weekend just for you! [Extended Bridge] Why do I do this? Why do I pretend? That I can reach the summit with my lovely friend? Maybe it's the closeness. Maybe it's the bond. Or maybe I'm just stubborn... [Instrumental: slow-burn slap bass and clavinet breakdown, gradually adding Rhodes and handclaps] Oh no! My headset has low battery! Now the pressure is on! [Extended Solo] [Instrumental: nimble wah-guitar lead trades phrases with bright synth; half-time lift builds back into the full funk groove] [Final Chorus] Oh! The endless virtual marathon! The headset's heavy and the sweat is pouring on! I can't quite cross the finish line tonight, But I will fake it in the neon light! I'm rubbing phantom pixels, fighting through the pain! A cardio workout for absolutely zero gain! I'll never climax in the metaverse, it's true... But I'll keep trying every night just for you! [Final Chorus Reprise] Oh! The endless virtual marathon! The headset's heavy and the sweat is pouring on! I can't quite cross the finish line tonight, But I will fake it in the neon light! I'm rubbing phantom pixels, fighting through the pain! A cardio workout for absolutely zero gain! I'll never climax in the metaverse, it's true... But I'll keep trying every night just for you! [Outro] Okay, my left tracker just died. And my knee just popped. Can we just cuddle now?
