Tartan Oathbreak

[Verse 1] He wore his badge like a crown of tin With a grin that could fool the rain Took bribes in the back of the chip shop queue Then blamed it all on the train He had a notebook full of made-up names And a pocket full of lies Said, “Nothing to see, just move along” With a fry in his tied-up tie [Pre-Chorus] But the butcher saw the envelopes And the postman saw the cash The vicar saw him pocket change Then christen it as “stash” [Chorus] Och, the dirty cop fell down Bagpipes moan through town Och, the dirty cop fell down And the wee dogs all laughed out loud He nicked his own last chance Now he’s dancing in the dockyard’s dust Och, the dirty cop fell down And the whole wee country said, “Aye, just us” [Verse 2] He sold three speeding tickets To a sheep with a broken horn Pinned a fine on Mrs. Mac’s front gate Then slept through half the morn He’d “find” your lost suspicion For a fee in a paper bag If your alibi looked too honest He’d make it limp and sag [Pre-Chorus] But the baker kept the copies And the taxi driver grinned The pub kept all the tally marks And sang him in to sin [Chorus] Och, the dirty cop fell down Bagpipes moan through town Och, the dirty cop fell down And the wee dogs all laughed out loud He nicked his own last chance Now he’s dancing in the dockyard’s dust Och, the dirty cop fell down And the whole wee country said, “Aye, just us” [Bridge] They called in the council clerk The one with spectacles and sense She laid the ledgers on the table And broke his grand defense His badge went skittering on the floor His moustache lost its pride He tried, “That’s not my handwriting” But the paper never lied [Final Chorus] Och, the dirty cop fell down Bagpipes moan through town Och, the dirty cop fell down And the wee dogs all laughed out loud He nicked his own last chance Now he’s counting years in Tartan Trust Och, the dirty cop fell down And the whole wee country said, “Aye, just us”