AURORA BOREALIS

Strings over silence Snow against the glass Somewhere far from everything I thought that we might last Green across the heavens Purple through the blue There was a time I pictured Standing underneath it all with you I would've taken your hand I would've looked into your eyes I would've said— *hi.* ... Oh. You thought we were doing **that** again? No. Thank fucking God we never went. Could've gone to Iceland Could've froze my ass Could've spent six months saving Just to fight with you in first class Could've rented some cute cabin With a skylight and a view Whole universe performing And unfortunately— **there's you.** Thank God I never saw the northern lights with you That shit's way too fucking pretty For the bullshit we'd have put it through Aurora borealis Pink and green and blue Imagine all that cosmic wonder Then I turn around— **Oh, fuck. It's you.** God spent several billion years Cooking up that sky I'm not attaching that shit To another reason that I cry You'd probably check your phone I'd probably lose my shit We're underneath a miracle And somehow we're arguing again about some dumb-ass shit No. Northern lights don't deserve that. **Thank God I never saw the northern lights with you** Would've ruined something beautiful Which is impressive, even for you Aurora borealis Dancing overhead And I'm standing in the Arctic thinking, *"I could've stayed my ass in bed."* Could've been romantic Could've been profound Could've had our little movie shot With no one else around Then you'd say something stupid I'd stare directly at the snow And somewhere in the distance A fucking polar bear would go— *"Girl, just go."* Fair. **Thank God I never saw the northern lights with you** Now they're still completely innocent They don't belong to what we went through No song, no photograph No memory to undo There's still one beautiful fucking thing That has absolutely nothing— Nothing— Nothing— To do with you. And maybe someday I'll get there. No dramatic speech. No hand I wish I wasn't holding. No trying to make a bad thing beautiful because I wasn't ready to call it bad yet. Just me. Snow. That ridiculous sky. And whatever version of my life was waiting on the other side of you. The orchestra swells. The whole sky turns green. I look up. And for once I don't think about what happened. I don't think about what could've happened. I don't even think about you. ... Well. Maybe for, like, **two fucking seconds.** Just long enough to say— *"You would've loved this."* Beat. *"Anyway."* And I keep looking up.