Dear Mrs. LaRue: Letters from Obedience School

(Verse 1) Well I’m walkin’ down the hallway like old Ike LaRue Tryin’ to keep my tail down, but it’s hard to do Got a note from the teacher says I bark too much But all I did was chew a shoe and jump up once or twice and such Now they got me in a classroom with a hundred hounds Marchin’ in a circle while the whistle sounds I miss my comfy pillow and the gravy bowl And the squirrel that used to visit by the backyard pole (Chorus) But I ain’t bitin’ nobody I ain’t chasin’ no cats I’m just sittin’ here dreamin’ ‘Bout my old welcome mat Dear Mrs. LaRue, please rescue me soon This place is colder than the dark side of the moon (Verse 2) Now the guard dog Bruno says I whine all night But he snores like a freight train till the mornin’ light And the poodle from Toledo keeps stealin’ my bone I’d report the situation if I had a phone Every letter that I’m writin’ tells the awful truth I’m a victim of injustice and a persecuted youth They make us sit and stay and heel in perfect lines And they only serve one biscuit at dinnertime (Chorus) But I ain’t hurtin’ nobody I ain’t causin’ no fuss I just miss the sofa cushions And ridin’ in the bus Dear Mrs. LaRue, I’m sufferin’ through This canine rehabilitation zoo (Bridge) Well the teacher says I’m “improvin’” That’s her point of view But a genius gets mistaken For a troublemaker too And if lovin’ snacks is wrong Then lock me up for life But I still deserve some bacon And a little sympathy tonight Now I’m dreamin’ of the kitchen and the backyard breeze And beggin’ at the table for a little cheddar cheese Maybe I’ll come home refined and dignified and cool But probably not—I’m still Ike LaRue (Final Chorus) No, I ain’t hurtin’ nobody Just tellin’ my side Every dog’s a poet With a little puppy pride Dear Mrs. LaRue, I’m countin’ on you Signed with love and pawprints— Your faithful Ike LaRue