The Unicorn Can Turn Into a

[Intro – Recruiter, cheerful corporate voice] Hi Cory! I liked your background For an opportunity I'm currently working on Located in Orange County! It's a 40 hour work week Primarily on site Located in Costa Mesa! [Verse 1 – Cory] I'm incredibly tech savvy Like I'm a big nerd I've been kind of running my own business Making apps And doing all kinds of other stuff I taught myself how to code I built like 5 or 6 apps I built some websites I've built infrastructure I've built entire accounting platforms From the ground up From start to finish [Recruiter] How exciting! But can I hone in On your nonprofit experience? [Verse 2 – Cory] I'm like a creative problem solver Like I can solve any problems Like any problem at all [Recruiter] Yes, but what about grant accounting? [Cory] Uh, no I've never done like grant accounting [Recruiter] Oh! That's unfortunately The main thing they were looking for [Music stops] [Cory] Well, I mean, again I don't know how to explain this to you correctly [BUILD] I could literally solve Any problem in the world I have artificial intelligence I could figure out anything In about a week! [HOOK – Funky choir] WE FOUND A UNICORN! WE FOUND A UNICORN! [Recruiter] But we wanted a rock! [Cory] THE UNICORN CAN TURN INTO A ROCK! [Recruiter] Well, I don't care! [Choir] THE UNICORN CAN TURN INTO A ROCK! THE UNICORN CAN TURN INTO A ROCK! [Verse 3 – Fast jazz rap] I've worked every job in accounting I'm literally a unicorn Is what you guys call it A rock star Whatever the heck you guys want to call it Doesn't really matter to me! Look! Look! These people could pay me A MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR And they'd be gaining! Like I don't know how to explain this to you I've tried to explain this to you! And it's like You spotted a unicorn in the wild! And you go [Recruiter – deadpan] I didn't want that I wanted a rock [Cory] Well the unicorn can turn into a rock! [Recruiter] Well, I don't care [HOOK – Full band] WE FOUND A UNICORN! WE FOUND A UNICORN! BUT THE JOB DESCRIPTION SAYS WE NEED A ROCK! THE UNICORN CAN TURN INTO A ROCK! THE UNICORN CAN TURN INTO A ROCK! [Bridge – Corporate hold music] [Recruiter] I totally hear you And I get where you're coming from Different opportunities Just have different requirements My hands are tied over here [Cory] It's the failure of supply chain The failure of understanding These people don't even know What they're asking for! [Recruiter] Unfortunately I don't think this position Would be a great fit [Cory] Well, the next company I work for Is probably going to be One of the best companies In the entire world! [Recruiter] Sounds good, Corey [Cory] You could believe me or not You could think I'm crazy I really don't care [Recruiter] Sounds good, Corey [Cory] I know It's too much for you [Recruiter] My hands are tied over here [Cory] You accidentally called Probably the smartest person on the planet So I'm just kind of messing with you! [FINAL HOOK – Explosive jazz funk] SHE WANTED A ROCK! SHE WANTED A ROCK! BUT SHE FOUND A UNICORN! A FUCKING UNICORN! HE CAN CODE! HE CAN COUNT! HE CAN AUTOMATE YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS! HE CAN BUILD YOUR WHOLE ACCOUNTING STACK! BUT HE CAN'T GET THE JOB CAUSE HE NEVER TRACKED A GRANT! [Recruiter – whisper] Must have previous grant experience [Band stops] [Cory] I could figure it out in a week [Recruiter] Unfortunately... [OUTRO – Smooth elevator jazz] [Cory] Okay, well Good luck with everything I hope you have a wonderful life [Recruiter] Thank you Thanks Bye [Spoken narrator] And so the unicorn returned to the forest While the company continued searching For a rock [One final piano chord] [Cory – distant] THE UNICORN CAN TURN INTO A ROCK!