Unlearning

My hands keep reaching for the brace Even when there’s nothing there I stand upright, but something waits For impact I don’t feel prepared Every move I learned by force Still fires when I hesitate I don’t know how to stand at ease I only know how to anticipate The danger’s gone But my body doesn’t know I’m unlearning how to carry it Unlearning how to stay on guard Every step feels misaligned Every breath lands a little hard I’m not falling, I’m not free I’m just standing where I land Trying to remember who I am Without the weight in my hands Silence doesn’t feel like peace It feels like something I forgot I reach for space, then pull away Unsure of what I’m asking for I don’t miss the pain itself I miss the rules it gave my fear When nothing tells me when to brace I don’t know why I’m still here I’m safer now And somehow less at ease I’m unlearning how to carry it Unlearning how to stay on guard Every step feels misaligned Every breath lands a little hard I’m not falling, I’m not free I’m just standing where I land Trying to remember who I am Without the weight in my hands If I loosen what kept me alive I feel exposed, I feel awake If I hold on just a little longer I disappear — but I feel safe Still unlearning how to carry it Still unsure of where I stand Not reaching for the armor Not pretending I’m in control I don’t need to get it right I just need to stay aware I’m unlearning how to live With the truth I’m learning there