Super El Niño (The Worst Avenger)

Latin fusion, salsa, funk/ska-chaotic (fast-paced, syncopated, stop-start brass percussion)

[Intro]

[Verse 1]
At the First National Bank on the corner of Main
The robbers had pistols, the tellers felt pain
Then down from the heavens, a hero arrived!
With a cape made of vapor, he wanted to save lives!
He conjured a monsoon to wash them away
But the vault and the highway were swept to the bay
The crooks floated off on a safe made of gold
As the mayor got hypothermia from the extreme cold!

[Chorus]
He’s Super El Niño! The worst Avenger!
A walking disaster! A climate offender!
With trade winds of fury, and good intentions
He’s ruining cities in three dimensions!
Don't call for backup... please don't call his name!

[Verse 2]
Little Timmy’s calico cat was stuck in an oak
El Niño looked down and said, "Hold my cloak!"
He tried for a breeze just to shake loose the branch
But he caused a flash-drought and a mud-avalanche!
The reservoir vanished, the oak tree turned gray
The cat ran away to join the CIA
He smiled at Timmy, who cried in the dust
Another grand triumph of superhero trust!

[Verse 3]
He flew to the coastline to guard all the boats
From pirates and smuggler-men wearing trench coats
But his body-heat warmed up the ocean three feet
The anchovies fled and the kelp took a beat!
The fishermen went broke, the docks were all bare
While Niño stood proudly with wind in his hair
He waved to the seagulls, completely oblivious
To why his approval ratings were so hideous!

[Bridge]
[Music gets intensely dramatic, heavy piano chords]
It’s the small things that hurt, it’s the petty despair!
He melts your ice cream before you get there!
He cracks up the paint on your beautiful home!
He ruins your hairdo with tropical foam!
You’re driving the lane for a slam-dunking spark—
Then it pours down like Noah right over the park!
[Big instrumental swell]
Oh God, he’s still here!

[Instrumental Solo]

[Chorus]
[Maximum Drama]
He’s Super El Niño! The worst Avenger!
A walking disaster! A climate offender!
With trade winds of fury, and good intentions
He’s ruining cities in three dimensions!

[Outro]
Go save the Avengers! Go fight Captain Marvel!
Leave our infrastructure alone!
[Instruments fading out | strong percussion]
Someone call FEMA...
Please go home, Niño...
(Big final brass hit)

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[Intro] [Verse 1] At the First National Bank on the corner of Main The robbers had pistols, the tellers felt pain Then down from the heavens, a hero arrived! With a cape made of vapor, he wanted to save lives! He conjured a monsoon to wash them away But the vault and the highway were swept to the bay The crooks floated off on a safe made of gold As the mayor got hypothermia from the extreme cold! [Chorus] He’s Super El Niño! The worst Avenger! A walking disaster! A climate offender! With trade winds of fury, and good intentions He’s ruining cities in three dimensions! Don't call for backup... please don't call his name! [Verse 2] Little Timmy’s calico cat was stuck in an oak El Niño looked down and said, "Hold my cloak!" He tried for a breeze just to shake loose the branch But he caused a flash-drought and a mud-avalanche! The reservoir vanished, the oak tree turned gray The cat ran away to join the CIA He smiled at Timmy, who cried in the dust Another grand triumph of superhero trust! [Chorus] He’s Super El Niño! The worst Avenger! A walking disaster! A climate offender! With trade winds of fury, and good intentions He’s ruining cities in three dimensions! Don't call for backup... please don't call his name! [Verse 3] He flew to the coastline to guard all the boats From pirates and smuggler-men wearing trench coats But his body-heat warmed up the ocean three feet The anchovies fled and the kelp took a beat! The fishermen went broke, the docks were all bare While Niño stood proudly with wind in his hair He waved to the seagulls, completely oblivious To why his approval ratings were so hideous! [Bridge] [Music gets intensely dramatic, heavy piano chords] It’s the small things that hurt, it’s the petty despair! He melts your ice cream before you get there! He cracks up the paint on your beautiful home! He ruins your hairdo with tropical foam! You’re driving the lane for a slam-dunking spark— Then it pours down like Noah right over the park! [Big instrumental swell] Oh God, he’s still here! [Instrumental Solo] [Chorus] [Maximum Drama] He’s Super El Niño! The worst Avenger! A walking disaster! A climate offender! With trade winds of fury, and good intentions He’s ruining cities in three dimensions! [Outro] Go save the Avengers! Go fight Captain Marvel! Leave our infrastructure alone! [Instruments fading out | strong percussion] Someone call FEMA... Please go home, Niño... (Big final brass hit)

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