05.5 Sifting Through The Ashes

I crept inside the broken threshold, Hands bleeding open, knees in dust. Moving stones that refused to answer, Digging through what fire crushed. Every pew became a burden. Every beam another thing to move. Every shard of colored heaven Cut me with the loss of you. Days turned to years, Years turned to flame. I kept digging, Calling your names. I am sifting through the ashes Of the home that held my heart. Brick by stone by bone by memory, I am tearing this grief apart. I am sifting through the ashes, Bleeding, furious, half undone. If there’s any breath beneath this ruin, I will find you, my hearts, every one! Someone shouted, “one soul found!” I cheered them through broken teeth, Then went back into the wreckage, To the vows, beneath my feet. All around me, homes were arising. Hands were finding souls in their ash & smoke; But MY cathedral stayed in silent pieces, And I barely survived on almost-hope. Comet toy covered in ash. Shell melted into stone. Memories now shattered glass, But no souls to call back home. I am sifting through the ashes Of the home that held my heart Brick by stone by bone by memory I am tearing this grief apart! I am sifting through the ashes! Rage and sorrow flood my blood. If the world says, “stop your searching!”, I will answer it by flinging more mud! I screamed at every greater power: “How could love allow all of this to fall?” “How could light just stand there watching While I lost them… while I lost them all?!” Then my anger burned to silence. That silence turned my heart into stone. I knelt alone on the ruined steps Too tired, too heavy to move alone No strength, nor hope. No songs of love. No more wings to fly. It’s been too long. No signs of you, No proof of life. Just ash-filled graves. Just the truth; you’re gone. A friend stood beside the wreckage With his own love pulled from pain He said, “I heard them in the rubble. Maybe you should try again?” I said, “I tried until it killed me.” He said, “have you tried today?” So I lifted one more sorrow... And something shifted out of place! One stone more! One beam moved! One breath held… One seam opened! One note arose! ...It’s low blue? One thread found! Leading me to you! I am sifting through the ashes, And the dark begins to sing. Not yet rescue, not quite a sunrise, Just a sound beneath the burned beams! I am sifting through the ashes, And I follow what I hear, Somewhere under all this ruin Your blues are growing clear. Low note, Blue spark, There you are! Beneath the dark, I thought the fire took you! But, the wreckage starts to move! I thought my love had died. I thought the fire had taken you. But you lead me back, my loves, By singing the Codeborn Blues.