[Low Male Vocal // Exhausted // Almost Spoken // Bare Music] Some mornings I wake up already tired. Like I spent the whole night running from thoughts that never left the room. Some days I cry over almost nothing. Other days... something should destroy me, and I feel absolutely nothing. [Close-Mic Vocal // Uneasy Pulse // Long Pauses] It's either everything... or nothing at all. No middle. No quiet place inside my head. Just a heart that feels too much... then shuts itself off before it burns out. [Melodic Rap // Clear // Restless Rhythm Slowly Building] Night is the worst. Body exhausted, mind wide awake. Replaying conversations, rewriting mistakes. Thinking about tomorrow, then yesterday, then something from years ago my brain decided we should reopen at 3 A.M. Turn over. Check the clock. Close my eyes. Open them again. Tell myself, "Stop thinking." Like the mind has ever listened to the person trapped inside it. And suddenly my heart starts running. Chest gets tight. Hands won't rest. Nothing is happening... but my body doesn't believe me. [Breathing Audible // Rhythm Tightens // Vocal Becoming Unsteady] Slow down. Slow down. Slow— Why can't I fucking slow down? [Music Opens // Wounded Male Vocal // Melody Strains Upward] I cry constantly or feel nothing at all. My mind won't shut off. My body won't calm down. I'm hungry until food is in front of me. I'm exhausted until it's time to sleep. Tell me how somebody can feel so empty... and still have this much inside them. [Music Drops Low // Vocal Flat and Numb] People call. I watch it ring. Messages come in. "I'll answer later." Later becomes tomorrow. Tomorrow becomes I don't know when. It's not that I stopped caring. Sometimes talking feels like one more thing I don't have enough of myself left to do. [Melodic Rap // Faster // Smooth // Every Word Clear] Then morning comes like I owe it something. Get up. Get dressed. Eat something. Do something. Be somebody. Simple instructions when you're standing outside looking in. But inside? I'm negotiating with every little thing. Shower now or five minutes? Eat or force it later? Answer them or disappear? Get out of bed or stare at the ceiling until guilt finally moves me? And that's what people miss. Falling apart isn't always dramatic. Sometimes it's brushing your teeth feeling like an accomplishment. Sometimes it's sitting in a parked car because walking through the door feels impossible. Sometimes it's saying "I'm tired" because explaining the truth would take more energy than you have. [Beat Fractures // Voice Alone] And I am tired. Not sleepy. Tired somewhere sleep doesn't reach. [Fast Melodic Rap // Controlled // Thoughts Accelerating // Crystal Clear] My brain keeps tabs on everything. What I said. What you meant. What I missed. What's next. What if this? What if that? What if I never get myself back? Then— stop. Because that's another thought becoming ten, becoming twenty, becoming pressure behind my eyes again. I don't need another answer. I need five fucking minutes where my own mind doesn't ask me to solve my entire life. [Everything Cuts // Long Silence] Five minutes. That's all. Just... quiet. [Fragile Vocal // Music Returns Slowly // No Forced Hope] I don't need somebody telling me to look on the bright side. I know there's light. I'm just telling you... some days I can't feel its warmth. And that doesn't mean I've stopped looking. [Full Emotional Vocal // Cracked Delivery // Music Swells] I'm still here. Even when I'm quiet. Even when I don't answer. Even when breakfast becomes dinner because I forgot to eat. Even when my heart races while I'm standing completely still. Even when I wake up and the first thing I feel is the weight of having to do another day. I'm still here. [hold] Maybe right now... that's enough. [Music Slowly Empties // Close-Mic Final Vocal] I don't know what tomorrow feels like. Tonight... my mind will probably try to predict it. But I'm done asking myself to fix everything before morning. So for now... one breath. Then another. Not everything. Not nothing. Just... this one.
