Pastor Dale’s End Times Mattress Outlet

[Intro] [church organ] [thunder] [radio static] [pastor dale] Friends You cannot stop the apocalypse But you can sleep comfortably through it [Verse 1] [announcer preacher voice] Welcome to Pastor Dale’s End Times Mattress Outlet Located beside the abandoned fireworks warehouse And directly across from Larry’s reptile chapel At Pastor Dale’s We believe every child of God deserves proper back support Even during societal collapse [Hook] [small choir singing badly] Sleep through the trumpet sounds On prices heaven cannot deny Pastor Dale’s mattress outlet Where salvation meets memory foam tonight [Verse 2] [pastor dale] Try our new Rapture Ready King Deluxe With reinforced cup holders Built in emergency flashlight storage And cooling technology blessed personally by me in a bass pro parking lot We also carry The Revelation Recliner The Sinner Spring Deluxe And our best seller The Forgiveness Futon Perfect for divorced dads and amateur storm chasers [Breakdown] [church bell] [woman crying dramatically] [announcer whispering] Mention promo code Seven Seals For free delivery within the continental United States And select underground bunkers [Hook] [choir louder now] Sleep through the trumpet sounds While the stars fall from the sky Pastor Dale’s mattress outlet The official mattress store of the uncertain future [Outro] [fast disclaimer voice] Mattresses not guaranteed during floods Locust swarms Solar flares Or unexplained trumpet noises after midnight [pastor dale softly] Get right with God And your lower lumbar region [church organ fades out]