[Verse 1] I log in again, it’s Ranked tonight, A destroyer’s life—pure chaotic delight. With my finger on W A S D, I pray, That I don’t torp my team (again) today. Sneaking around like a nautical spy, Dropping smoke screens, thinking, “I’m that guy.” But the radar’s on, and oh, what luck— I’m spotted! Time to hit full speed and duck! [Chorus] I’m the captain of disaster on the high seas, Sending out torpedoes like I’m throwing frisbees. Did I hit the enemy? No, that’s my mate… Now the chat’s on fire, calling me dead weight. Oh, the life of a destroyer’s full of flair, Out of smokes and fuel, and my ship’s on fire! But it’s Ranked, baby, so I’ll play it cool, Torp myself next round? Yeah, that’s the rule. [Verse 2] Hiding in smoke, feeling pretty sly, Until a battleship blasts me straight to the sky. I type “GG,” but I know it’s a lie— That match went down like a bad alibi. “Spot the enemy!” my team’s in a rage, But I’m too busy launching torps offstage. Will they hit? Will they miss? Who really knows? Either way, I’m topping somebody’s lows. [Chorus] I’m the captain of disaster on the high seas, Launching torps wildly like a sneeze. Friendly fire’s just my little quirk— They’ll forgive me someday... or maybe not. Jerk! Oh, the life of a destroyer’s full of charm, Dodging depth charges with alarming calm. In Ranked, it’s chaos, I make it mine, Living the dream, one salty chat line. [Bridge] I’m the ninja of the ocean… until I get pinged, Then I’m “Damage Control” and “Why is this ship sinking?” But my crew stays loyal, even when I blunder, Though they probably dream of throwing me under. It’s all part of the plan, I swear it’s true— That battleship wasn’t supposed to dodge too! Ranked life’s a circus, and I’m the clown, Steering my destroyer straight to renown. [Solo] [Final Chorus] I’m the captain of comedy on the high seas, Earning “Detonation” ribbons with expert ease. Torpedos flying, ships on fire— My win rate’s dropping, but I’ll never tire! Oh, the life of a destroyer’s full of glee, If you don’t count the torps aimed back at me. In Ranked, I’m chaos, an oceanic fool, But hey, it’s just a game… right? Cool. [Outro] So here’s to the captains, the Ranked queue crew, We win some, we lose some… but mostly we’re screwed. With torps in the water and a grin on my face, I’ll always be back for one more disgrace!
