[Intro - Gary, deep gravelly spoken] Alright, everybody. Apparently... Some of you had complaints. You said I forgot restaurants. You said the list was incomplete. You said I needed to review more places. Fine. You want Part Two? I'll give you Part Two. But understand something. I already did the research. I've checked the menus. I've checked the portions. I've checked the prices. I've checked the bread. I've checked the meat. I've checked the sauces. I've even checked the gift shops. So if your favorite restaurant isn't on this list... That's your fault. [Beat drops] [Verse 1] Cracker Barrel, AYE TIER, country fried steak That gravy on the plate is a beautiful mistake Good portions, good sides, everything tastes right Went in for dinner, stayed there half the night Then I hit the gift shop Just to look around Saw a rocking chair And now it's in my house. [Steve] You bought a rocking chair? [Gary] Yes. [Steve] Why? [Gary] It was a good chair. Waffle House, D TIER, I'm sorry to say I've never understood waffles in the first place Give me French toast Give me bacon Give me eggs Give me hash browns I'll take all of that. Just hold the waffles. [Steve] But it's called Waffle House. [Gary] I KNOW. That's the problem. [Verse 2] Wingstop, AYE TIER, chicken's pretty damn good Not quite BDubs, but it does what it should Good sauces, good wings, good flavor on the plate When BDubs ain't around, it'll do just fine Chipotle, AYE TIER, burrito in my hand Good bowls, good meat, pretty solid game plan Whole menu's decent, nothing makes me mad And that's basically the highest compliment I have Denny's, AYE TIER, French Toast Slam Put that shit in front of me, yes ma'am Eggs on the side and the bacon cooked right That's breakfast for dinner That's a beautiful night [Pre-Chorus] You wanted more So I made some room You wanted the truth So I'm dropping the boom You picked your favorite You think it's elite? Let's see where it lands When it gets in front of me [Chorus] I MADE THE LIST AGAIN! YOU ASKED FOR MORE SO HERE I AM! AYE TIER! B TIER! C! D! DON'T ASK ME WHY! JUST LISTEN TO ME! I CHECKED THE MENU! I KNOW THE GAME! YOU WANT THE TRUTH? I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO YOU! [Verse 3] Hooters, D TIER, sorry girls I know what you're thinking But I'm judging the food Not the uniforms Not the atmosphere Not the... [Beat] Actually... Never mind. D TIER. Sorry, girls. Nymph-E's Kitchen? S PLUS. Obviously. Best seasoned meats Flavor locked in tight Five stars from Gary Every single night [Steve] You gave Patricia's Bakery S TIER too. [Gary] Correct. [Steve] And Nymph-E's Kitchen gets S PLUS? [Gary] Correct. [Steve] So what's the difference? [Gary] I don't have to explain myself. [Verse 4] Panera, B TIER, sandwiches are good Bread bowls work exactly like they should But I look at the menu Then I look at the price And I start thinking... I could've bought groceries. [Steve] So you don't like Panera? [Gary] I didn't say that. I said it's expensive. There's a difference. Good food. Bad financial decision. B TIER. [Pre-Chorus] Cracker Barrel! AYE TIER! Wingstop! AYE TIER! Chipotle! AYE TIER! Denny's! AYE TIER! Panera! B! Waffle House! D! Hooters! D! Nymph-E's Kitchen! S PLUS! [Beat] And now... There's one left. [Beat drops out] [Gary, whispering] IHOP. [Pause] S TIER. [Steve] Wait. Really? [Gary] Yes. [Steve] Why? [Gary] Because it's IHOP. [Steve] That's your explanation? [Gary] Yes. [Steve] But what makes it S TIER? [Gary] Pancakes. [Steve] That's it? [Gary] Pancakes. [Breakdown] IHOP! ES! ES! ES! YOU CAN'T GO WRONG! PANCAKES! FRENCH TOAST! HASH BROWNS! OMELETTES! [Steve] WHAT ABOUT THE BURGERS?! [Gary] I DON'T KNOW! I'VE NEVER HAD ONE! [Steve] THEN HOW IS IT ES TIER?! [Gary] BECAUSE I SAID SO! [Beat cuts] [Steve] That's not how rankings work. [Gary] It is now. [Beat slams back in] [Final Chorus] I MADE THE LIST! I CHECKED IT TWICE! I KNOW WHAT'S GOOD! I KNOW WHAT'S SHITE! AYE TIER! B TIER! C! D! S TIER! S PLUS! PUT IT ON THE LIST! PUT IT ON THE WALL! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE RANKING... DON'T ASK ME AT ALL! [Outro - Gary, deep gravelly spoken] And that's Part Two. Cracker Barrel? AYE TIER. Wingstop? AYE TIER. Chipotle? AYE TIER. Denny's? AYE TIER. Panera? B. Waffle House? D. Hooters? D. Nymph-E's Kitchen? S PLUS. IHOP? S. [Pause] And if I forgot another restaurant... ... That's your problem. [Steve] You said that last time. [Gary] Yeah. And it worked. [Final hit]
