[INTRO — instrumental, stomping upright bass, tense drums] [VERSE 1 — agitated, heaving] Four A.M., the fan's been keeping score (score) Every rotation another little war I lost in '09, I lost last week, I lost Tomorrow — wait, that one hasn't happened, that's the cost Of a brain that files the future with the past Everything I ever said comes crawling back to ask Why'd you say that to your mother in the car Why'd you take that job, why'd you let it get this far Fan goes round like a thumb on a rosary Counting beads of every awkward thing that's close to me The rent, the rotator cuff, the call I didn't make The friend's text from October that I let sit like a lake Sleep's a country and my visa got denied So I lay here getting audited by the dark side of my mind [HOOK — cracked, half-yelled] Ceiling fan, ceiling fan Counting everything I am Round and round and round again Sleep won't let the stranger in (ceiling fan, ceiling fan) [VERSE 2 — whisper cracking up to yell] Tried the breathing apps, tried the melatonin tea Tried the couch, tried the floor, tried accepting what will be Nothing works like giving up — that's the dirty trick The minute that you stop the chase, the night gets thick And slow — so I watch the fan and I call its bluff Fine, count it all, I survived every one of them rough Things — the car thing, the money thing, the thing with Denise I'm still here, that's a body of evidence at least And the fan keeps turning and the turning sounds like rain And the rain sounds like breathing and the breathing takes the reins [VERSE 3 — breath steadier, drowsy] Five-fourteen, the birds are testing out their throats Light coming in like somebody untying boats Fan still going but it's just a fan again Just a motor and some blades, not a tally of my sins I'll be tired at work, I'll survive it like I do Pour the coffee extra strong, make it to two And tonight if it starts up again I'll know the game Count along, say the names, till the fan forgets the shame Round and round and round — goodnight, or morning, whatever it is Round and round and round — goodnight, or morning, whatever it is [OUTRO — sax bursts soften and fade] (ceiling fan... ceiling fan...) Just a fan again Just a fan
