[Intro] [ambient room noise, low-level background hum] [Verse 1] [male voice speaking] Alright, there we go. So, basically when I was in military training down in California, basically we were—you had a group of guys on the side that always go like, "Hey, let's go up to the mountains" or whatever and do some mountain climbing. So we went up there with a couple of other guys from, you know, our group and whatnot. We had a couple of beers and kind of got drunk since it was our time off for the week where we could do whatever we want but still had to show up next day for training and whatnot. So it was like a late afternoon session that we had to do this time. But we went out there and we got real messed up the night before, we were basically playing poker and one of the bets was, if you lose this hand, you had to climb up the mountain next day butt-ass naked in your climbing gear. That's it. So next day, you have not only my dumb ass, but you got my buddy Tank, and you got my buddy Ace, and my buddy Radio just all butt-naked, ready to climb up. And the guy that won the poker hand was fucking smart-ass from some other squad, you know, we never met before, he was just a complete jackass. Decided to think it was funny as we're halfway up climbing butt-ass naked to pull out a little digital camera and take a picture of it. Just to try to insult us a little bit, you know? [Interlude] [second male voice interjects] Oh my god. [laughter] [Verse 2] [first male voice continues] Later down the road, 'cause we didn't—we basically warned him like, if we ever catch that picture on the market, it wasn't me, but I wish it was, we're gonna kick his ass. But basically we're going shopping one time, get some smokes and stuff at a local shop just for, you know, when we're off duty and we want to sit back and relax. We notice all these girls gathered up at the front door and we're just like, "What the hell is going on?" Didn't think anything of it at first, but then we started seeing the girls kind of notice us, start talking amongst themselves and we're like, "Hey, that's kind of like the guy from the picture." So we got—we're like, "Wait, wait, what's going on?" So we walked up. He decided to put all across town pictures of us on people's shop doors of us climbing up the mountain butt-ass naked. And some of the girls, let's just say kind of eyed us up go like, "Hey, I want you," and we're just like, "Not interested," you know? We already had our own girls at the time. [Interlude] [second male voice] Oh my god, that's fucked up. I would have killed that motherfucker. [Verse 3] [first male voice] Well, we got back to base and we're discussing, we're like, "We gotta make this motherfucker pay." We know who did it, we know who it was, we know what unit he's at and whatnot. So basically, we just—we talked to a buddy of ours that was kind of trans at the time, you know, he had a— [second male voice] "This is a funny story, be careful." [First male voice continues.] He had a thing for other guys and we're like, "Hey, let's go talk to Jimmy. You know Jimmy, the guy who likes other guys, right?" And we're like, "Yeah. I got an idea. We'll pay him like a couple grand—or a couple hundred just to do this for us." So we paid him to get this guy, take him out to the bar to, you know, say it was a good joke kind of thing, like let's buy—be by—be friends kind of thing, you know? But we tricked him, we got him to think that the person he was talking to at the bar was another chick 'cause the guy dressed up so well he actually looked like a woman. So we're—you know, we're sitting there at the edge of the bar, we're giggling, we're chuckling, he doesn't know what's going on, he just looks at us like, "What the hell's wrong with us? Are we drunk?" kind of thing. And then we decided basically text him, go like, "Hey, if you can get him into a hotel room and basically handcuff him to like the rails or whatever, we'll give you an extra five hundred for doing it." [second male voice] "Just telling jokes, we're just telling jokes between friends, by the way. "[First male voice continues] Oh yeah, I know, but he texted us back, he says, "You got a deal." Brings him in there, gets him handcuffed, you know, like almost strapped down butt-ass naked. And that's when we decided jump into the room and took pictures of him being butt-ass naked next to a naked guy. And we're just like, "Now you gay, boy!" and left it at that. Oh lord, spread that all over base. Oh shit. The guy was so—the guy was so ashamed of himself he had to transfer bases because of it. He just felt so horrid. It was great though, we had a good laugh because of it. That's the story. [laughter]
