[Female lead throughout unless marked] [Sparse vocals, long instrumental grooves] [Intro — instrumental] [Female, spoken] I was gonna clean the closet. …six years ago. [Beat enters] [Female] Keep. Donate. Trash. Regret. Three sizes of jeans. Seventeen cables. Why do I own this? [Instrumental groove] [Female, quietly] Then I saw it by the coffee… [Pause] [HOOK — Female, silky, melodic] I stole my husband’s Vyvanse I stole my husband’s Vyvanse [Backing vocals] You did what? [Female] I stole my husband’s Vyvanse [Beat] Just to get some shit done [Backing vocals] Get it done… get it done… [Female] I’m not getting high I’m getting organized [Backing vocals] Organized… [Female] Have you seen my closet? [Beat] I stole my husband’s Vyvanse [Backing vocals, whispered] Vyvanse… Vyvanse… [Female, quietly] Don’t make it weird. [Extended instrumental groove] [Hard stop] [Female, calm] Let the decluttering begin. [Beat drops] [Female] One drawer. [Instrumental] Two drawers. [Groove builds] Wait— whose pants are these? [Instrumental] Keep. Donate. Trash. [Beat] Emotional support trash. [Groove builds] Closet— [Backing] Done! Pantry— [Backing] Done! Junk drawer— [Female] Oh my God. [Chaotic fill] [Backing] DONE! [Groove intensifies] Fridge— [Backing] Done! Garage— [Backing] Done! [Female] I organized the batteries. [Beat] By size. [Beat] And emotional availability. [Music cuts] …I don’t know what that means. [Big funky build] [Female] I stole my husband’s Vyvanse [Backing] DONE! I stole my husband’s Vyvanse [Backing] DONE! Closet! [Backing] DONE! Pantry! [Backing] DONE! Taxes! [Backing] Girl… [Female] DONE. [Sudden silence] [MALE — separate spoken voice] Hey… Have you seen my Vyvanse? [FEMALE] Define “my.” [Silence] [MALE] …What? [Beat slams back] [FINAL HOOK — Female] I stole my husband’s Vyvanse I stole my husband’s Vyvanse [Backing vocals] You did what? [Female] I stole my husband’s Vyvanse [Beat] Just to get some shit done [Backing vocals] Get it done… get it done… [Female] Have you seen my closet? [Backing vocals, whispered] Vyvanse… Vyvanse… [Extended instrumental outro] [FEMALE, spoken] Can you take these bags to Goodwill? [MALE] Now? [FEMALE] They’ve been there for three weeks. [Beat] [FEMALE, quietly] Don’t judge me.
