Written In The Stars (Vintage Jazz-Folk)

[Spoken Verse 1] I was born late August, squeaked in as a Leo Got my chart done at a county fair by a woman in a gaudy shawl She said I’m confident, a natural leader, maybe a little dramatic And I thought, well yeah, that’s me — the stars have got me figured out [Chorus 1] It’s written in the stars, long before my time Four thousand years of wisdom can’t be wrong The planets know me better than I know myself And I don’t ask how or why [Spoken Verse 2] Mercury’s in retrograde, so don’t sign anything important Don’t start a new job, don’t buy a car, don’t text your ex at midnight Saturn’s sitting in your seventh house, messing with your love life And if your birthday falls in early June, I’m sorry, but we can’t be friends [Chorus 2] It’s written in the stars, Venus tells me who to love Mars tells me who I should avoid A million share my birth day and time, but every chart’s unique Don’t you go trying to poke holes in that [Spoken Verse 3] My co-worker missed work all week because Neptune was too close My neighbor canceled her surgery because her chart said the timing was dangerous My daughter dumped a decent man because his moon was in Scorpio And my buddy turned down a solid job because Mars told him to sit tight [Chorus 3] It’s written in the stars, and the stars don’t make mistakes So if nothing’s going right, it’s probably Mercury again Don’t change a thing about yourself, the planets will sort it out And the stars will tell you when it’s all ok again [Spoken Bridge] But here’s something you should know The zodiac has drifted thirty degrees since Babylon invented it You lost your sign centuries ago That Leo you’re so proud of? You’re a Cancer now And every horoscope is written vague enough To tell you what you want to hear It’s called the Barnum Effect Makes you swear they’ve read your soul [Spoken Verse 4] They studied twins born at the same time, same stars, same chart, same everything One became a graphic designer, the other joined the army and after taught eighth grade There’s no force, no wave, no field connecting planetary motion to your Thursday The hand that pulled you from the womb Had more pull than Jupiter’s gravity ever did [Chorus 4] It’s written in the stars — or that’s what they say But the stars are just burning gas and they don’t know your name And the love you walked away from, the job you didn’t take The week you spent hiding indoors waiting for Mercury to behave That wasn’t the stars — that was you, giving your choices away