[Intro — Spoken, royal trumpet fanfare] Hear ye! Hear ye! Gather around! The royal peacocks have come to town! Straighten your collars, lower your eyes, The Court of Decorum has arrived! (GAVEL SLAMS!) [Verse 1] Queen Candace sits upon her throne, King Green's got a kingdom of his own. They polish their gavels, straighten their crowns, Keeping those unruly peasants down. A fellow walks in with something to say, About the cost of doing business today. But one wrong phrase and the bells start ringing, Forget the message, the court starts singing! [Pre-Chorus] Oh, mind your manners, watch your tongue, The royal trial has just begun! You came to speak about the town, Now watch those golden gavels come down! [Chorus — Big theatrical gang vocals] Queen Candace has a golden crown, King Green wears his sideways down! Two little gavels in a government town, Everybody bow when the hammers come down! The cameras stop, but the court's not through, There's a whole new trial on the internet, too! Oh, hail the rulers of the City of Roses, Where the royal court never quite closes! [Verse 2] A jester once shouted a n "F" four-letter word, Another joined in, or so we heard. Then came a lecture on decorum and grace, With a straight-faced sermon all over the place! One quoted a movie, the room went cold, The queen took offense, or so we're told. The meeting was over, but wouldn't you know, The royal outrage had somewhere to go! [Pre-Chorus] A click and a post, a share and a cheer, The royal followers gather near. Everybody's righteous, everybody's wise, Underneath those peacock skies! [Chorus] Queen Candace has a golden crown, King Green wears his sideways down! Two little gavels in a government town, Everybody bow when the hammers come down! The cameras stop, but the court's not through, There's a whole new trial on the internet, too! Oh, hail the rulers of the City of Roses, Where the royal court never quite closes! [Bridge — Slow smoky blues, spoken responses] They say, "Respect the office!" (Respect the office!) They say, "Respect the chair!" (Respect the chair!) But who corrects the royal court When double standards fill the air? Oh, the king can rant, the queen can preach, The people line up, waiting to speak. And if your words don't suit the crown, They've got a gavel to shut you down! [Verse 3] They've got a kingdom of boarded-up stores, Empty windows and locked-up doors. The peasants keep asking, "What's the plan?" The court says, "Mind your language, man!" The rent keeps rising, the businesses fall, But the peacocks are posing at City Hall. A royal performance, a glorious show, While the problems outside just grow and grow. [Final Chorus — Full band, gang vocals] Queen Candace has a golden crown, King Green wears his sideways down! Two little gavels in a government town, Everybody bow when the hammers come down! The cameras stop, but the court's not through, There's a whole new trial on the internet, too! Oh, hail the rulers of the City of Roses, Where the royal court never quite closes! [Outro — Piano strut, trumpet blasts] Take the EGO out of OR-E-GON, Tell me, Your Majesty, what have you done? The crown may glitter, the gavel may shine, But public office ain't a royal bloodline! (GAVEL! GAVEL! GAVEL!) PEA-COCK-RI-Seee! (Spoken, deadpan) "Court adjourned. See you on Bluesky." (One final gavel slam. Ridiculous royal trumpet fanfare.)
