Lost Vape at the Rodeo (Auto-Tune Lament)

[Intro] Dust fog, fried-onion breath; announcer yodels, “hold your hats.” [Verse 1] Pocket check—keys, cash, nope, cloud machine gone elope. I pat my jeans like CPR, panic tastes like trailer bar. [Pre-Chorus] Eight seconds ’til the gate pops wide— I’m nicotine-naked, dead inside. [Chorus] Lost vape at the rodeo—Lord, why me? Crowd smelling like gasoline tea. If someone finds a little blue brick, meet me by the corndog stick. [Verse 2] Bull explodes, I lose my seat, face gets salted by the meat. Belly-flop in fairground mud, mouth now flavored like a flood. [Pre-Chorus] I yank my shirt, shake out fries— nothing but shame and flies. [Chorus] Lost vape at the rodeo—send me grace, I’ll kiss your boots, just name the place. If mercy’s got a charging cord, plug me in, oh dusty lord. [Break / Build] (Bandstand voice:) “Check lost and found!” (Announcer:) “We got a meltdown on the ground!” Crowd chants my name like a joke; I wave like I’m the Pope. [Drop] (Announcer:) “Three… two… one… RIDE!” Beat slams back; the arena answers. [Verse 3] Carny says, “I saw a kid hit five rips then launch his lid.” Grandma swears she felt the breeze— now the mascot wheezes please. [Bridge / Rap] I bargain hard with fate and beer: I’ll quit tomorrow, not right here. I’ll floss, I’ll pray, I’ll call my mom— just give me back my thunder bomb. [Verse 4] Under bleachers—lost-world stink, gum mosaics, soda sink. There it lies, in nacho cheese— angel chorus, bless my wheeze. [Double Chorus] Found vape at the rodeo—hallelujah cough, dust in lungs, I switch it off. If karma asks for one more trick, I’ll take a bow (bah-OW) and split. Lost vape at the rodeo—meme me, fine, post my face with “nicotine divine.” I raise it high, the crowd goes sick— hit one puff, then ghost that lick. [Tag / Outro] (Announcer:) “Folks, he got his manners back.” I wink. Maybe next week.